DEPRESSION & ISOLATION

It's the season of change.  From vibrant green to beautiful color as the life force of the trees retreat to the roots  -  below ground.

Are not depression and isolation two feelings that can overtake us personally, our lives in general and replace joy and enthusiasm with emptiness and hopelessness?

This time of this particular year 2020 can bring on both these uncomfortable guests, uninvited and sometimes overpowering - they can actually move in and remain steadfast.....silently jump on us when we are actually having a day that feels like a good day - that everything is working out for us.

Does anyone notice that despite all the ads and memes on social media, all the everything touting the suicide hotline number to call, encouraging friends to reach out to someone who they know suffers from clinical depression or bouts of same tend to NOT CALL even when you ask them to because the darkness is just too much to take on a particular day or worse.....for several days.  They all seem to be too busy - I got a text from a caring friend, one of the less than a handful of friends I DO have - that simply said, "stay sane" - when I asked for him to call me as I was having a particularly dark time & I needed the laugh I knew he would bring within two minutes.

A wise woman and spiritual mentor that I love and respect called me once after my best friend died here at my sanctuary and I had a bout of depression that was overpowering - indeed an aspect of grief - and I never forgot her words - "ask the depression what message it has for you, then sit quietly and allow it to come forward and speak to you" - she called me more than once to counsel me, but this stood out the strongest.  Depression IS anger turned inward onto oneself.  Depression robs energy where anger fuels energy.  Anger is one step higher on the 'graph' of emotional levels. One can work with anger - with depression, one is empty and it's damn hard to act on what the "guest of depression" might say.

When the healer is feeling the weight of some wounds, the empath is feeling the suffering of the collective of all species - which ALL are currently suffering for the most part.....it is the most difficult for the healer to heal her/himself....even if we go through the motions that we give to our clients with our love and intention.  Why cannot we give this to ourselves?  Maybe it's time to look at that.  

Who's Idea Was This??

Society is NOT reflective of DIVINITY

RANTING IN COLOR IS SOMEHOW SOOTHING

Ranting in Red.  Seems right.  All it takes is a day of errands, being on the road with humans AND starting off with my car's first service at the FORD DEALERSHIP.

UGH!!!!!

"Are you going to be waiting for your vehicle?" he politely asked.  "Yes," I replied.

Well then it'll just be an hour.

The man that set up my appointment was very nice and when I went in after explaining the fiasco I had at the Roseville dealership, he set me up to talk with a lovely sales person about the logistics of trading a Roseville purchased Ford for one more locally in Auburn.

Because OF COURSE when I made the purchase & got the servicing warranty, they DIDN'T tell me any repairs can ONLY BE MADE IN ROSEVILLE.  That dealership is on crack....seriously.....it is insane there.  I NEVER WANT TO GO THERE EVER. I've called there to speak to the finance manager about an issue TWICE and he never returned my call.  Shocking.  Once they get your money, you're as good as dead to them.  FUTURE FORD CUSTOMER SERVICE SUCKS.

That said, my car was due for a 'cab filter' replacement.  OK.  That's covered....good.

TWO HOURS LATER......I had to ask about when it's going to be done, saying I understand it might take longer than the one hour quoted to install this filter.

Arriving home and looking over the receipt, doesn't look like filter was put in.  I call and talk to the same man and he immediately said, "MY FAULT totally, I forgot to tell them to put in the filter" - so it took TWO HOURS AND I DIDN"T GET THE FILTER.  He assured me when I come back down, he will have the filter in hand and it literally takes ONLY TEN MINUTES.

SERIOUSLY???????????

So it was two hours on a one hour service and I have to go back.

I MISS VOLZ BROTHERS!!!!!!!

My local amazing service men who have taken care of my vehicles for years, now I'm in

the dealership treadmill.  I'm not religious, but if I was, this would be AGAINST MY RELIGION~~!!!!!!!

I told them I'm a blogger....a traveling blogger who depends on the car for work.  The car's been fine except for a module breaking on it's maiden voyage, resulting in having to disconnect the blue tooth as I couldn't use MAPS VOICE DIRECTIONS while on a trip.  It was still under factory warranty then, but it would have taken 4 days to get the part - I had to go to my mother's funeral, I didn't HAVE 4 days.  

The service tech wouldn't put this on the receipt to prove this happened while under factory warranty, so I got screwed on that deal.  Each dealership is against the other, none of them work together, the customer gets the raw deal and the run around.  The car itself though is awesome despite this aspect.

My friend who put me in this car was awesome, he wasn't a "HARD SELL" - in fact he advised I not get the warranties at all, but once in the cubicle with the finance guy, they literally talk so fast and scare you into buying stuff you don't need.

DON'T GET CAUGHT IN THE DEALERSHIP CYCLE, once you get your car, they don't care about you AT ALL. And I'm a NICE CUSTOMER, I'm P A T I E N T - I'm F R I E N D L Y - I'm UNDERSTANDING!

I MISS MY '52 WILLY'S!!!!   I MISS MY HORSE & BUGGY.

I know this isn't a perfect world - well .... no.....it IS a perfect world - but what humans made of it is so far from perfect, or even manageable it's beyond words - one has to RANT!!!!!   I've got a tiny sense of humor about it though.

Sun-day, Rain-day

SUN & RAIN

Being it's SPRING, we here in Northern California are delighted at these rains we are having to keep the ground hydrated for as long as possible.  It started raining the day after the official fire season was announced.

Not having written in this blog since 2011, I can say much has happened, yet reading the last posts, some things seem to be evolving slower than I would have hoped.  This blog is appropriately named, My Dark Rants, for the space of darkness within the light of that which is me, is still prevalent.  Nothing like reading old blogs, which are like journals, to show the undeniable, unalterable truth of where I was when I last wrote in RANTS.

Having kept journals my entire adult life, and having recently acquired the diary I made for myself at age 14, I cannot view my past through any filters of how I THINK things went, or wished they went.  The filter of memory cannot taint my life for it's ALL in black and white, or as in the style of THIS blog, I chose colors.  Colors are just a bit more fun.  Well, I'm not ranting as much as rambling, now am I.

I have been in the longest bad mood I can recall being in.  Despite my study and practice of Law of Attraction and other universal laws, knowing the power of thoughts, etc., I still have not been able to shake it.  I'm angry about so much, and just scrolling through FACEBOOK is enraging and draining.  No news is watched by me, EVER.  Yahoo news articles are tiresome, and the commentary that I was previously hooked on looking at shows the low vibration of those participating, hence, WHY ON EARTH do I subject myself to this shit?

I won't go into all the issues and offer my two cents, but currently our government is happy to be dragging this country back into the dark ages, only in the dark ages, there wasn't the population or technology to also destroy the earth as it is being destroyed, so we're in the middle of a mess that is robbing humans of their hope.  Which brings me to THIS rant.

I congratulate Meghan Markle for getting out of here, finding her Prince and living her best life.  Please don't anybody bother to comment that I'm free to leave this country if "I don't like it" - I DON'T LIKE IT, NOT ONE BIT.

I wasn't one of those little girls who always wanted to be a princess, not once did I pretend this in my childhood play.  I climbed trees and played army with my brother and his friends, dodgeball on our neighborhood street and drew pictures almost constantly.  I was a budding artist that wasn't given the support to blossom, and now at this stage of life am defying all that was and beginning to paint again.

Gee, I haven't ranted QUITE enough yet, have I?  Well, I'll be ranting more and using FACEBOOK only to post the link to this blog where I have challenged myself to write a RANT A DAY.  I will not be sticking around to read any comments, should anyone do so, nor will I seek the dopamine allegedly attached to the collecting of LIKES, should anyone actually LIKE this, because,

I SIMPLY DON'T CARE.

I will rant that I am tired of Facebook being used to elicit money for services or donations for this & that.  I've contributed to both and am ranting about how one particular really good author offers this service that I thought a consultation would boot me in a bit of a direction I've been not taking, but she simply charged a lot of money for a 90 minute phone call literally hard selling in a soft and loving way, her extended service that would cost more per month than my mortgage.  She did tell me she channeled my custom program directly from the angels.  That was rather the straw that broke the camel's back in my world of thinking someone "out there" might know more about what I should do than I do.  This is my lesson in trusting my SELF and stop SEEKING for someone to "know me and be a team player" - I have to ACCEPT there IS NONE.  I have to do this fucking solo, and I can say I don't like it.  I AM a team player and wished for one for decades despite doing stuff on my own, including going to exotic far away places.  I gave in to this woman's consultation out of sheer loneliness but now that soppy sentiment has been replaced by being pissed that it was a set up for me to pay her rent for a month and I was subjected to a hard sell for shit I don't need.  So much for expensive lessons, I'd rather spend that money at a spa and get pampered on my way to a book signing tour.....which, by the way, is a matter of time before the book signing tour happens. 

In case anyone is wondering, there IS a book already out there in the world and has been for long enough for the movie industry to pick it up and make a film out of it, using the music on my CD, also on my website as part of the sound track.  Sometimes, these books get discovered after being out there for years, and mine now falls into that category.  THE CHE DIARIES, in case anyone was wondering, is the name of the book, and it's on my website, which presently, is a site less traveled and rarely visited.  So, get your butt to my site, where there is a portfolio of some of my art, my book, my music and buy something.....you know, support your local artist.  LOL.  No pressure.

www.aveguevara.com

Moon-day Reflections

Today I learned of the murder of a friend, mentor and lovely individual. It was shocking, as although I haven't seen him in awhile, I had been talking about what he taught me to a new friend all during this week. I had reconnected with his essence during this process, and just now learned he died last March. (talk about being the last to know!)

Huge shifts are beckoning and even downright imposing upon me. I sense the pressure of it's coming, feel it's hot breath that threatens to scare the shit out of me. The great unknown can be exciting or scary, depending what the unknown is about. I'm facing a couple of huge ones this week. Both will change my life drastically and call for me to buck up, 'toughen up' (as another friend now gone would say) and stay clear.

Today I feel broken. I'm tired of my heart having been broken 6 years ago and having had the pieces be stepped on since as I work to mend them. I'm not having much success.
My fabulous UMPH that I've always had in my younger day, the very thing that attracted my last love to me all those years ago, seems to have abandoned me no matter what I do or how I breath and work with various energies to just resonate with it for long enough to join "life" again.

We all feel this from time to time, but for me, today is a day of lamenting....loss. It is, after all, one of those illusory tools we've been given on this side of the veil, among many, to soften and grow. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA ~ Hare Krshna ~ Hare Rama

THIS MADE ME CRY

Just look at the smile on that dad's face. He's holding one of his two very young sons. A man that had a spirit of light, one can tell just by this article's information and quotes on what this man's foundation was about. Now he's dead. The tragedy comes to his boys who have lost the most rare thing on this planet: a parent that truly cares about his child. A father that was teaching by living it, good solid values and optimism of spirit in the face of societal darkness. Truly, this article has made me cry.

When I think about how both my daughters' children adore their fathers, to think of having them taken from them makes this story ever the more poignant for me. My daughters never got to know their fathers, because both of them thought their own lives were more important, and both abandoned their daughters when they were babies, one even before she was born. That is why stories like this I must share.

Four days before he died, Dan Wheldon sat next to me on a couch reflecting on a year in which he started out unemployed, won the Indianapolis 500, then went back to the unemployment line to look for a job. I expected a bittersweet tone. Instead I got classic Dan Wheldon, ever the grounded optimist.

Dan Wheldon celebrates with his two-year-old son, Sebastian Daniel Wheldon, after winning the Indianapolis 500 on May 29, 2011.
(AP)

Wheldon’s career

Dan Wheldon won the Indianapolis 500 in 2005 and 2011.

Year	Starts	Wins	Poles	Top 5	Top 10
2011	2	1	0	1	1
2010	17	0	0	4	10
2009	17	0	0	3	9
2008	17	2	0	10	12
2007	17	2	1	6	11
2006	14	2	2	9	12
2005	17	6	0	12	15
2004	16	3	2	12	13
2003	14	0	0	5	9
2002	2	0	0	0	1
Total:	133	16	5	62	93

Source: Indycar.com

“It’s been incredibly enjoyable,” he said with complete sincerity. “My wife gave birth to our second son, Oliver, and I was able to enjoy spending time with them because I didn’t have a ride.”

Wheldon died Sunday in a violent 15-car wreck at the IndyCar season finale at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The native of Great Britain was 33 years old. He’ll be remembered as much for his engaging personality off the track as his dominating skills on it.

Wheldon was airlifted to a local hospital and IndyCar officials halted the race for more than two hours. When word spread that Wheldon had died, drivers decided not to race, returning to their cars only for a five-lap tribute.

“There are no words for today,” Danica Patrick said via Twitter. “Myself and so many others are devastated.”

Perhaps nothing explained Wheldon better than his ability to find peace and perspective in the midst of such an inexplicable season. Here was an out-of-work driver who couldn’t land a decent job in a series in which he was a champion, in which he’d won the sport’s signature event, the Indianapolis 500. It doesn’t sound fair because it’s not, but that’s how it works sometimes in auto racing, where sponsor dollars trump talent.

Wheldon got a ride in the Indy 500 only because friend and team owner Bryan Herta was able to put together a competitive deal. Still, no one gave Wheldon a shot to win it until he actually did. The next day, he was unemployed again.

But not bitter.

He used the time off as an opportunity to promote the sport that wouldn’t give him a full-time job. When he won the Indy 500 back in 2005, he hit up David Letterman, did a few other promotional events, then went back to racing the next weekend. After this year’s win, with no job, he made appearance after appearance after appearance. He worked television broadcasts of IndyCar events, became an ambassador for Indianapolis Motor Speedway and served as the official test driver for the new race car the series will unveil next season.

He was happy, content, smiling like he was in love.

“It’s been a crazy year,” he said, “but really, really enjoyable.”

The tragic irony is Wheldon was only racing Sunday because of a promotion. Earlier this year as a way to bring attention to the fledgling series, CEO Randy Bernard put up a $5 million award to any non-series regular who could win the finale. As a non-regular, Wheldon was eligible.

One condition was that he start at the back of the 34-car field, a huge deficit to overcome, but one Wheldon said could be done in the 200-lap race. Just 12 laps in, two cars touched in front of him, setting off a horrific chain reaction of events that Patrick described as straight out of a movie.

Wheldon, having moved up some 10 spots already, couldn’t slow in time. His car launched over the back of one in front of him, turned in midair and slammed into the catch fence. Rescue workers were quick to the scene, but neither they nor doctors at a local hospital could save him.

“IndyCar is sad to announce that Dan Wheldon passed away from unsurvivable injuries,” Bernard announced at a press conference. “Our thoughts and prayers are with Dan and his family.”

[Photos: IndyCar driver Dan Wheldon dies in fiery crash]

Wheldon came from Emberton, a small village in southern England where he was tearing up go-kart tracks at age four. In 1999, at age 21, he came to the United States and eventually wound up in IndyCar. With powerhouse Andretti Green Racing, he won nine races as well as the 2005 IndyCar championship. That same year, Wheldon won the Indianapolis 500, handing team owner Michael Andretti the Brickyard win he never got as a driver.

Most recently Wheldon drove for Panther Racing. At the end of the 2010 season, Panther signed rookie J.R. Hildebrand to replace him, leaving Wheldon without a job.

Refusing to take a mediocre ride that could threaten the integrity of his career, Wheldon opted to sit out the season. Desperate to enter this year’s Indianapolis 500, Wheldon called Bryan Herta for advice on finding a good ride for the 500. Herta responded, “Would you consider driving for me?”

Wheldon never led the race until he came around the final turn of the final lap. But when the leader wrecked on the final turn, Wheldon took the lead and the win – his second at the Brickyard. The driver he passed for the victory? Hildebrand.

The car of Indy Car series driver Dan Wheldon (second car from left) catches fire as Wheldon and Will Power (12) crash into the wall at Las Vegas.
(US Presswire)

Last Wednesday, Wheldon told me he was close to signing a full-time deal for 2012.

“I don’t need to drive for financial gain,” he said. “I could retire and be OK. There are a lot of people in way worse situations than me right now.”

Sunday morning, Wheldon reportedly had agreed to terms to return to the Andretti stable where he would replace the departing Patrick.

Hours later he was gone, leaving a legacy of racing and life behind.

POURING RAIN, Emptiness Within

The rain is pouring down upon the thirsty earth. Pouring down upon my yurt-bedroom and it will be hard to sleep, as it is so loud.

I am full of emotion tonight. Emoting does promote a softening as when one feels like one is 'coming apart at the seams'. It's not a bad thing, just a part of the life process, the expansion of the soul. The softening of those edges that cut into us.

I do tonight feel utterly alone. This is logically assimilated in my mind that I am merely experiencing a perception only of separation from That Which Created All. This logical feedback does not comfort. But I am not seeking comfort right now. I am simply feeling my state of aloneness fully. Crying does cleanse and release. A primal scream sort of noise really was necessary in order for me not to explode with the pending softening that simply had no choice but to follow. It's those rare times when one needs to scream that it's really convenient to be surrounded by the forest. It's simply the order of things. Sometimes it's hard to look at life as a gift, even when the blessings are cute little brand new ginger babies that inspire awe, and the big brother who is yet a little boy who woke me in the mornings so we could brush our teeth together.

Where is my life? I am in a sacred space. The journey sometimes really is an ass kicker.

A Tibetan Buddhist Way to Handle Terrorism & Disasters

"One brick won't build a house. But brick by brick, a house will get built. So, one prayer, or the prayers of one person will not change the whole world. But if we meditate or say prayers, we will be able to contribute in healing and rebuilding lives. So we must get involved in contributing little by little by doing meditations and prayers. That is what we can and must do."

"Think about those terrible images, painful feelings and frightening stories of the morning of September 11th. Let them shake our bodies up and wake up our minds with a powerful feeling of sadness and pain.
Then let the power of sadness turn into strong thoughts and feelings of love and compassion, into a wish of wanting to save all from their sufferings from the bottom of your heart (without letting yourself feel hatred or anger towards the perpetrators).
Then let the power of that love emanate a strong energy of devotion, devotion to the Blessed One(s), -- the body of wisdom, love and power -- who is/are the embodiment of all the enlightened ones and the true nature and pure quality of the universe as it is.

Then turn the power of your devotion into the energy of prayers, the all-prevailing sound of calling for healing blessings, from the bottom of your heart.
Then think that the blessings of the Blessed One, love and peace are emanating from the Blessed One in the form of beams of rainbow light, light of peace and joy.
Then the blessing lights touch the bodies of all -- those who have died, those who are suffering and the whole universe.

By the mere touch of the blessing light, think and feel that all fear, confusion and suffering are pacified, like darkness by sunlight. All are transformed into bodies of blessing light. All are filled with the feelings of peace, joy and strength.
Finally, feel the all-pervading peace and let our mind and the minds of all (especially those who are suffering) melt as one. Rest in that feeling -- the awareness of oneness in peace -- over and over again. The nature of all is one, the awareness of the eternal peace."