THIS MADE ME CRY

Just look at the smile on that dad's face. He's holding one of his two very young sons. A man that had a spirit of light, one can tell just by this article's information and quotes on what this man's foundation was about. Now he's dead. The tragedy comes to his boys who have lost the most rare thing on this planet: a parent that truly cares about his child. A father that was teaching by living it, good solid values and optimism of spirit in the face of societal darkness. Truly, this article has made me cry.

When I think about how both my daughters' children adore their fathers, to think of having them taken from them makes this story ever the more poignant for me. My daughters never got to know their fathers, because both of them thought their own lives were more important, and both abandoned their daughters when they were babies, one even before she was born. That is why stories like this I must share.

Four days before he died, Dan Wheldon sat next to me on a couch reflecting on a year in which he started out unemployed, won the Indianapolis 500, then went back to the unemployment line to look for a job. I expected a bittersweet tone. Instead I got classic Dan Wheldon, ever the grounded optimist.

Dan Wheldon celebrates with his two-year-old son, Sebastian Daniel Wheldon, after winning the Indianapolis 500 on May 29, 2011.
(AP)

Wheldon’s career

Dan Wheldon won the Indianapolis 500 in 2005 and 2011.

Year	Starts	Wins	Poles	Top 5	Top 10
2011	2	1	0	1	1
2010	17	0	0	4	10
2009	17	0	0	3	9
2008	17	2	0	10	12
2007	17	2	1	6	11
2006	14	2	2	9	12
2005	17	6	0	12	15
2004	16	3	2	12	13
2003	14	0	0	5	9
2002	2	0	0	0	1
Total:	133	16	5	62	93

Source: Indycar.com

“It’s been incredibly enjoyable,” he said with complete sincerity. “My wife gave birth to our second son, Oliver, and I was able to enjoy spending time with them because I didn’t have a ride.”

Wheldon died Sunday in a violent 15-car wreck at the IndyCar season finale at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The native of Great Britain was 33 years old. He’ll be remembered as much for his engaging personality off the track as his dominating skills on it.

Wheldon was airlifted to a local hospital and IndyCar officials halted the race for more than two hours. When word spread that Wheldon had died, drivers decided not to race, returning to their cars only for a five-lap tribute.

“There are no words for today,” Danica Patrick said via Twitter. “Myself and so many others are devastated.”

Perhaps nothing explained Wheldon better than his ability to find peace and perspective in the midst of such an inexplicable season. Here was an out-of-work driver who couldn’t land a decent job in a series in which he was a champion, in which he’d won the sport’s signature event, the Indianapolis 500. It doesn’t sound fair because it’s not, but that’s how it works sometimes in auto racing, where sponsor dollars trump talent.

Wheldon got a ride in the Indy 500 only because friend and team owner Bryan Herta was able to put together a competitive deal. Still, no one gave Wheldon a shot to win it until he actually did. The next day, he was unemployed again.

But not bitter.

He used the time off as an opportunity to promote the sport that wouldn’t give him a full-time job. When he won the Indy 500 back in 2005, he hit up David Letterman, did a few other promotional events, then went back to racing the next weekend. After this year’s win, with no job, he made appearance after appearance after appearance. He worked television broadcasts of IndyCar events, became an ambassador for Indianapolis Motor Speedway and served as the official test driver for the new race car the series will unveil next season.

He was happy, content, smiling like he was in love.

“It’s been a crazy year,” he said, “but really, really enjoyable.”

The tragic irony is Wheldon was only racing Sunday because of a promotion. Earlier this year as a way to bring attention to the fledgling series, CEO Randy Bernard put up a $5 million award to any non-series regular who could win the finale. As a non-regular, Wheldon was eligible.

One condition was that he start at the back of the 34-car field, a huge deficit to overcome, but one Wheldon said could be done in the 200-lap race. Just 12 laps in, two cars touched in front of him, setting off a horrific chain reaction of events that Patrick described as straight out of a movie.

Wheldon, having moved up some 10 spots already, couldn’t slow in time. His car launched over the back of one in front of him, turned in midair and slammed into the catch fence. Rescue workers were quick to the scene, but neither they nor doctors at a local hospital could save him.

“IndyCar is sad to announce that Dan Wheldon passed away from unsurvivable injuries,” Bernard announced at a press conference. “Our thoughts and prayers are with Dan and his family.”

[Photos: IndyCar driver Dan Wheldon dies in fiery crash]

Wheldon came from Emberton, a small village in southern England where he was tearing up go-kart tracks at age four. In 1999, at age 21, he came to the United States and eventually wound up in IndyCar. With powerhouse Andretti Green Racing, he won nine races as well as the 2005 IndyCar championship. That same year, Wheldon won the Indianapolis 500, handing team owner Michael Andretti the Brickyard win he never got as a driver.

Most recently Wheldon drove for Panther Racing. At the end of the 2010 season, Panther signed rookie J.R. Hildebrand to replace him, leaving Wheldon without a job.

Refusing to take a mediocre ride that could threaten the integrity of his career, Wheldon opted to sit out the season. Desperate to enter this year’s Indianapolis 500, Wheldon called Bryan Herta for advice on finding a good ride for the 500. Herta responded, “Would you consider driving for me?”

Wheldon never led the race until he came around the final turn of the final lap. But when the leader wrecked on the final turn, Wheldon took the lead and the win – his second at the Brickyard. The driver he passed for the victory? Hildebrand.

The car of Indy Car series driver Dan Wheldon (second car from left) catches fire as Wheldon and Will Power (12) crash into the wall at Las Vegas.
(US Presswire)

Last Wednesday, Wheldon told me he was close to signing a full-time deal for 2012.

“I don’t need to drive for financial gain,” he said. “I could retire and be OK. There are a lot of people in way worse situations than me right now.”

Sunday morning, Wheldon reportedly had agreed to terms to return to the Andretti stable where he would replace the departing Patrick.

Hours later he was gone, leaving a legacy of racing and life behind.

POURING RAIN, Emptiness Within

The rain is pouring down upon the thirsty earth. Pouring down upon my yurt-bedroom and it will be hard to sleep, as it is so loud.

I am full of emotion tonight. Emoting does promote a softening as when one feels like one is 'coming apart at the seams'. It's not a bad thing, just a part of the life process, the expansion of the soul. The softening of those edges that cut into us.

I do tonight feel utterly alone. This is logically assimilated in my mind that I am merely experiencing a perception only of separation from That Which Created All. This logical feedback does not comfort. But I am not seeking comfort right now. I am simply feeling my state of aloneness fully. Crying does cleanse and release. A primal scream sort of noise really was necessary in order for me not to explode with the pending softening that simply had no choice but to follow. It's those rare times when one needs to scream that it's really convenient to be surrounded by the forest. It's simply the order of things. Sometimes it's hard to look at life as a gift, even when the blessings are cute little brand new ginger babies that inspire awe, and the big brother who is yet a little boy who woke me in the mornings so we could brush our teeth together.

Where is my life? I am in a sacred space. The journey sometimes really is an ass kicker.

A Tibetan Buddhist Way to Handle Terrorism & Disasters

"One brick won't build a house. But brick by brick, a house will get built. So, one prayer, or the prayers of one person will not change the whole world. But if we meditate or say prayers, we will be able to contribute in healing and rebuilding lives. So we must get involved in contributing little by little by doing meditations and prayers. That is what we can and must do."

"Think about those terrible images, painful feelings and frightening stories of the morning of September 11th. Let them shake our bodies up and wake up our minds with a powerful feeling of sadness and pain.
Then let the power of sadness turn into strong thoughts and feelings of love and compassion, into a wish of wanting to save all from their sufferings from the bottom of your heart (without letting yourself feel hatred or anger towards the perpetrators).
Then let the power of that love emanate a strong energy of devotion, devotion to the Blessed One(s), -- the body of wisdom, love and power -- who is/are the embodiment of all the enlightened ones and the true nature and pure quality of the universe as it is.

Then turn the power of your devotion into the energy of prayers, the all-prevailing sound of calling for healing blessings, from the bottom of your heart.
Then think that the blessings of the Blessed One, love and peace are emanating from the Blessed One in the form of beams of rainbow light, light of peace and joy.
Then the blessing lights touch the bodies of all -- those who have died, those who are suffering and the whole universe.

By the mere touch of the blessing light, think and feel that all fear, confusion and suffering are pacified, like darkness by sunlight. All are transformed into bodies of blessing light. All are filled with the feelings of peace, joy and strength.
Finally, feel the all-pervading peace and let our mind and the minds of all (especially those who are suffering) melt as one. Rest in that feeling -- the awareness of oneness in peace -- over and over again. The nature of all is one, the awareness of the eternal peace."

STOP KILLING ANIMALS & THE PEOPLE WHO SAVE THEM!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeXdv-uPaw&feature=youtu.be

This is a MUST SEE. Although it may haunt you, it did me, although it may disturb you, it did me, you still must expose yourself to this so that you may include all these horrors both the earth and her innocent animals endure in your TONGLEN practice. If you don't know what TONGLEN practice is, read this link:
http://www.khandro.net/practice_send_receive.htm

The earth needs us to do this for her, it is the only thing we CAN do. We will be killed like other saviors of the earth are killed if we take the role of activist - they silence those that do in equally horrible ways as they kill innocent animals for money, out of greed. We cannot help the earth if we are dead. We must all take a stand, and it must be done safely and effectively - we cannot help if they kill us as they have killed our brothers and sisters who have shown the courage to step up and take ACTION.

To those that are frustrated and ask, "WHAT CAN I DO?????" We can practice tonglen. After viewing this video, all I could do was feel frustrated that if I took a stand, I too would be killed. TONGLEN practice is something we can all start to do. But do it gently, as if you are as sensitive a being as I am, you may feel energetically "off" if you do the practice for too long. It IS intense, but so is what you will be doing, but it won't KILL you, and you can energetically ease some of the suffering. Please join me in doing TONGLEN practice each and every day, even if only for five or ten minutes. You WILL be making a difference.

NAMASTE~

SEISMIC HEADACHES

THEY ARE REAL. I have gotten seismic headaches before a major earthquake for years now. As I write this, I have one. The symptom is, it wakes me up before dawn and is raging, or builds to raging over two to three days. The longer the headache, the worse the devastation from the quake. Before the Japanese quake, I had a killer one for three days, and they don't respond to any form of medication for relief, and only subside when the quake occurs.

I am quite nervous because yesterday I woke up with one, and although it wasn't a raging, killer headache, it has become one today, waking me at 2 a.m. Unfortunately, they are never wrong. I haven't had them over this past week during all the quaking going on, because there was no human devastation, but this one is nerve wracking, because somewhere, soon, it's going to hit. This is DAY 2, I've medicated twice and it's done nothing but getting worse.

All my friends in quake prone areas, put together your survival kits and have a plan. I've never made it this public before, but the reliability of these headaches has been 100%....the outcome of my headache going away only comes when there is a tragic outcome for many.

AND THE POINT IS.....?

Truly the question of why we are here is relevant. It has been worth the ponder, and continues being worthy of our ponderance because truly, what is the fucking point???

The potty training of toddlers highlights the fact that human excrement and bodily fluids are truly repulsive. Cute as little children may (or may not) be, their bodily functions disgust me. The messes they make with their food, I find enormously disagreeable. Their drool, snot & shit are things one has to have close contact with when caring for them.

When my girls were babies, did I truly not reel from the grossness of it all because they came from ME??? I do remember marveling that my breast fed infant's shit did not stink - that is until around the age of about five months - then something shifted and my olfactory nerve was processing the repulsive smell of human shit.
Dog shit & cat shit are equally gross. Bear shit and the shit (or scat) of wild animals is not. Why the fuck is that? I came across a giant deposit of fresh bear shit and not one molecule of aroma made it to my nose. If that were dog shit I would have been overcome.

And all this repulsive residue of the human creation has served only to pollute our oceans as we mindlessly and selfishly rid ourselves of it and impose it on the creatures of the sea. Now you see/smell it - now you DON'T.

It brings to my attention the words of the opening paragraph of this entry - WHY THE FUCK ARE WE HERE, ANYWAY? We have toxic thoughts, negative emotions, judgmental attitudes and smelly bodies. Oh, there are the fleeting moments of pleasure when we are in the company of something or someone we love. But sometimes that love carries a heavy toll.....the misery of attachment and all it's side-effects.

Are we truly here to propel our spiritual nature toward the alleged perfection from whence we came? Again - FUCKING WHY????? If we came from perfection, then why didn't we just stay there? Now we have to toil with the impositions of a societal creation that truly seems pointless. I mean, making money, paying bills, finding peace within while we labor with these issues? Finding our passion, living our passion, making a living with our passion ~ or not ~ and being miserable & unfulfilled while we toil with JOBS that don't resonate with our passion because people told us we had to ~ and we believed them!!!

No one has come up with an answer. The one offering wisdom and guidance was nailed to a cross, so why do these people think this entity will grace us with a second coming???? If an enlightened 'savior' did return to this Godforsaken place (pun intended) - they'd put him or her on medication or in a psyche ward in lieu of that cross.

I for one am tired of the whole game of everything ~ the drive to BE someone ~ accomplish someTHING ~ attain anyTHING and maintain a healthy detachment to it all. It all truly comes up as POINTLESS ~ and I truly have been pondering, introspecting and searching outside & more importantly INSIDE for decades ~ and it still comes up POINTFUCKINGLESS!

My precious little grandson is due any day to arrive onto this stink ball we've turned this planet into. He has come from perfection, only to be steeped into the cesspool of humanity with all the trimmings.....cellular memories that comes with a physical body, memories that aren't even HIS, but that of an ancestor ~ the pain of being a baby - a digestive system firing up with all it's pangs and pains and the resultant shitting in one's pants and spitting up sour milk. Getting teeth ~ losing teeth ~ getting MORE teeth! Having to undergo the barrage of bullshit the newly arrived are subjected to by the medical profession - pokes with needles, testing for this & that, the painful ritual of circumcision. Now THERE'S one I don't grok - surgically removing something that was placed there for SOME reason we stinky humans don't understand, so we WHACK it off for no other reason than the fact that it was done by others in the belief that a little less stink will be the result.....a few less genital germs will breed.

And, speaking of breeding - there is this insatiable drive ignited and maintained to breed - and if not to result in furthering the species, to only give us this thing called orgasms, or getting off. It's different for each person and none of us seem to match up favorably with another with our drives or lack of drive. This wreaks havoc when we couple up and try, like birds, to mate for life. This chemical in our system, or assortment of chemicals, drives us to make really bad decisions in your younger years (I can speak for myself on this account) thereby subjecting ourselves to further misery, emotionally and/or financially speaking. We breed with others that are not in our best interest - or are they??? Because after all, it's the misery we create for ourselves that promote this allegedly illusive and highly desired state of what is called ENLIGHTENMENT. One can attain this state by finding their center when the pendulum swings toward happiness and away from misery or away from happiness and toward misery.....either way, it's a roller coaster ride that we don't even realize we are on for several decades, if ever.

I for one am stuck in a very uncomfortable middle. I realize that what I don't like in others is what I don't like in myself (now THERE'S a fun mirror to look in!) ~ there's nothing material I am striving for and working toward so that I may possess it and show it off to others or simply enjoy it for myself ~ I seek not love in another human being, because GOD only knows, that love, IF found, comes with conditions I must live up to and fulfillment I must provide for whoever this other one may be that I think I love and am deluded into thinking loves me-or else a very painful parting ensues. I've lived through this one too many times to continue living with this illusion and striving to be part of it.

I may be perceived as cynical or bitter just because I've been around the block so many times that I don't see the point in going around that same block one more time. I'm not depressed or on medication to even things out, but that does remind me - having one's hormones in a jar in the refrigerator does at least make for one not being enslaved by their own hormone production gone awry.

So where do we go from here? Someone DO tell... what IS the fucking point?

Yes, We have No Plums (or is that bananas?)

There are no plums on any of the trees that supplied my breakfast all of last summer.
The snow landed heavily on the blossoms, and luckily I photographed this beautiful site.....because it resulted in no fruit.

Each morning I walk past the trees, whereas last summer I would stand beneath them with my dawg and engorge myself gratefully on these succulent spheres of purple juiciness chock full of nutrients, this year I just walk past them without having tasted one this entire season.

Yup, these times, they are a'changin'.