Spankings are NOT Beatings

Good old fashioned discipline seems to be viewed as CHILD ABUSE. Like proper nourishment and love, children NEED discipline. They test boundaries before they can even make a full sentence, and it is this testing that REQUIRES the discipline of the parent to actually BE the one in charge. To sit them down and reason with them is like explaining physics to a fish....would you engage a guppy in such dialog and expect it to comprehend?????

I have two grown daughters that I've raised without their father. (Their father was the result of being spoiled, entitled and thinking they don't need to be responsible for their children, having been coddled and not taught by their own ignorant parents) I am of small stature and do not have a deep, manly voice that the father figure has which can more easily command the respect of the child. Yet, I was able to command the respect of my children and I did discipline them as needed. Each child is different, and the disciplinary requirements for each child is different. It is up to the parent to be aware of what each child needs.

My eldest was a firey, strong willed girl who required spankings (not beatings, not slaps in the face). These spankings were not applied out of my own anger. Quite the opposite. If she angered me, I would deal with my own emotions first, and then calmly tell her why she was going to need a spanking and to come to me and place herself over my knee. I never grabbed her and flung her over my knee out of anger, yelling at her while I applied my hand to her butt. I never used a belt, spoon or riding crop, I told her how many swats she was going to get, and it was very effective.

A forgotten fact that I came across as a young, single parent was that spankings originated because the nerves in the bottom had a direct connection to memory. To spank for a reason the child was aware of, and keeping that awareness in the forefront, ensured the child a better chance at remembering to not repeat the inappropriate behavior/action/verbiage*. (*When they are older and talk back)
Spankings are a tool that has been blown out of proportion by those ignorant bastards that abuse their children out of sheer ignorance or for their own satisfaction. Spankings are not about violence when not administered by an angry parent.

My younger daughter was a totally different child than my eldest. She responded to a firm voice and an authoritative "look", and responded favorably and immediately. I only had to give her one spanking when she was about 8. It is up to the parent to understand what works for each child and then to DO IT. Being consistent is KEY. When I see parents being inconsistent I cringe, as that does not promote respect from the child, and in fact promotes another set of ill effects. Besides consistency, one must be true to one's word.....never threaten a child with some punishment or consequence that you have no intention of following through with.

Parents need to have a clue about self discipline in order to effectively administer discipline when discipline is required. It's not just about spankings, either. Discipline is not giving a child what it wants because we have our own conditioned responses about not having gotten what we wanted as kids. Proper discipline in the myriad situations it is called for is not punishment, but guidance. It is not about anger or violence. Quite the contrary. It is about awareness and being conscious of the long term effect of our own actions and behaviors on our children.

Children are small and under our guidance for a much shorter amount of time than the time they will spend as adults away from us; we don't have a very big window to instill self discipline and guidance. It is what we instill in these precious first seven years ONLY that will mould how they will be for the rest of their lives.

After the romance of the pregnancy and new baby cuteness wear off, parents get less interested, I observe. The work required of the parent is neither fun nor easy. Good parenting requires self discipline, consistency, dealing with one's own emotions effectively and being tireless in all of these ways of being. Without applying all this for the first seven years of their lives (and continuing throughout their adolescence), you will live with the consequences of putting a new generation of disrespectful, lazy, entitled and very unpleasant individuals on the planet. Not to mention these kids have no interest in LEARNING anything or READING ACTUAL BOOKS~! How is a teacher supposed to correct all this in a class of 30 kids??? They are teachers, not magicians!

Both of my daughters turned out as well balanced individuals. I cringe when I see some of their peers interact with their children....when a 5 year old speaks to her mother like she's a lowly servant and the mother does nothing to correct this despicable behavior, yet gives that same child every material thing the child whines for.

I enjoy watching both of my daughters parent their children because they understand the concept of discipline and consistency, and are well aware of who is in charge. My daughters both respect me and adore me and still seek my advice occasionally. I did not seek their acceptance of me as their friend when they were small, the place of respected parent is an honorary position, and not to be confused with friendship.

I watch today's generation of parents interact more with their cell phones and texting their friends then being PRESENT with their children. Every time, and I mean EVERY TIME I see a parent walking their little one in a stroller, they are engaged in a cell phone conversation and are not present with that child. They are not interacting with their child at all. The long term effect of having a parent that clearly is disengaged with their child, but gives all their attention to some little device is showing up in the classroom. The students learn disengagement and laziness from their parents. Children are mirrors for us. If that concept sounds foreign to any parent reading this, then I suggest you yourself do some homework on self improvement and personal growth.

Natalie Munroe, the English teacher in Pennsylvania, who this morning is being 'disciplined' for speaking the truth about the current mostly worthless generation of students, is a very important messenger. She is bringing to light the worthlessness of the whole system. She displayed the courage to express a truth that nobody wants to hear or acknowledge. Another case of the messenger being shot, because the message delivered is not what people want. Being open to the truth takes courage and a desire to improve---two things that are sorely lacking in humanity.

Teachers are not paid well and under the gun to make up in the classroom for all the years of the inconsistency, laziness, indulgences and spoiling these breeders have imposed upon a new generation. They are not parents, they are simply breeders. Parenting is an art form, the child has the potential to be a masterpiece or a black spot in humanity. Unfortunately, there are very few masterpieces in this bleak and blackened state of humanity.

Twenty Eight Days

TWENTY EIGHT DAYS. An experiment I am proposing to Mr. Smith, my creative partner.

The video will run for 28 days in my life, capturing a major shift that I sense is in my immediate 'future'. The holidays are upon us, which in and of itself instigates shifts and upheavals in many human lives on the emotional and pain-body fronts. The ending of the current year and the promise of the new one is also a potent set of circumstances in the human life cycle for huge shifts and emotional turmoil, as we review where we've been and map out where we think we would like to go.

Another wintry storm is upon us, following the first of the series that knocked down trees and broke their branches both on my property and all over town. I was in sunny, warm Houston during that first cold and destructive storm. A huge tree fell across our driveway taking three others with it. My son in law had some intense chain-sawing to clear the way....ah, life in the country! The huge old oak that arches way above my bedroom which is a yurt gives me the feeling of playing Russian Roulette each night that I go to sleep in there. As this storm has taken down and broken the limbs off small, healthy and younger trees, this big old oak is now posing a red-alert threat. Whatever the price to have it taken out will be cheaper than the cost of the tree taking me out.

Thanksgiving successfully behind us, Christmas looming in front. But what is more on my plate than either a turkey dinner or holiday gift giving is the personal shift I am experiencing regarding my own personal pain body and the role of motherhood, grandmotherhood and mother-in-law-hood. I realize I love walking the streets of other countries and places is because I do not identify or am identified with any of these roles. I embraced motherhood and gave it my all in my youth, as my values were to bestow upon the people that came to me in the form of my children a healthy set of life tools to take them through their course in balanced ways. To give them no belief system except an open mind and realization of their own power to create the lives they envision. To have them trust in the Source of all Creation, and yes, I called it GOD in those days, and sometimes still do.

As a single mom, this took almost all of me. It was a job worth doing well and I have the peace of mind that I pulled that off. However, I AM DONE. I have experienced joy from the honorary place of Grand-Mother, and now, even that role is changing for me. It is seriously time for ME. I am not the typical grandparent who lives to babysit and goes to goo over cute antics. Yes children are cute, but cuteness can be a huge distraction to staying on course with the consistency necessary to raise a child who has self discipline, respect for others and a healthy regard for boundaries. Children are NOT cute who do not have these attributes imparted to them.

To any I may sound 'old fashioned' to, hear this: well mannered children are not old fashioned, even though I witness the majority of children exercising strong wills with hefty doses of disrespect toward their parents and other adults. Being as caught up in the multiple forms of networking media that I am witnessing with the parents, development of GOOD CHARACTER seems to be left in the dust, deemed as out of style and too troublesome for parents to stay consistent with. Of course I witnessed this same thing when I was a parent of young children. It takes more than most people are willing to give to their children in the form of consistent guidance. The little things push and push and push some more and yes, they all drive their parents crazy.....but being aware of this cycle is the first step in dealing effectively with it. The second step in dealing effectively with it is knowing that the long term effects of the adult you will produce from that child rearing lasts way longer than their cute little childhoods.

I am thankful to have successfully completed Parenting 101-1001. I am successfully saying good-bye to the role of caregiver and mother of others and beginning to give myself that care and nurturing. It is TIME FOR ME. I am not looking for a boyfriend to love me, because I will spend that energy loving myself. There are enough people that love me in all kinds of ways, and I don't feel the need to look for or try to attract THE ONE. The only ONE is the Source of All Creation, of which we each are a tiny expression of. Life is inherently good, and focusing on that GOOD will only bring more good things, experiences and creation of a joyous life.