Games People Play

Seriously, the whole online fishing game has gone from entertaining to B O R I N G! As in real life, I'm finding men to be all the same.

Didn't want to have a negative cellular memory regarding the MALE human animal, but they themselves are cultivating this in women. After a history of having an open heart, a hopeful attitude toward finding/attracting and moving forward with a man, the results have always been the same. Of course these results came in a colorful assortment of scenarios that all resulted in either heartache, disappointment or both.

After each love gone wrong, I focused on not letting that particular experience shut me down to romantic love. Paramahansa Yogananda said "friendship is the highest form of love" - not romantic love. Romantic love is based on ego gratification and genital interaction. There, I said it. The very strength I possess that attracted a man was the very factor they came to feel threatened by, a need to control and a desire to destroy. Now that's healthy. That last one took the cake. Yes, I learned a lot from each experience, and was always able to pick myself up, dust myself off, get out the glue to piece back my broken heart and usually, thankfully, write a song about it. I have produced and recorded one CD of such songs, and have many that are not recorded. I had two daughters to raise and I wanted them to not be man-haters - so to do this, I couldn't be a man-hater myself.

One time when the girls were older, I exclaimed "I'm hating men right now and I'm not gay, what does that leave me?" my youngest answered "Alone!" Ah, the wisdom of children!
I've been alone for six years this month. It's been lovely, really. I've learned photography, photoshop, painted a series of canvases, trained and continue to train a canine companion, and a host of other personal growth opportunities-including the creation of this beautiful website - oh, and I almost forgot - I published a book. It's amazing what a woman can do when not involved in the struggle of a relationship who's partner wants me to be subservient, invisible and living in the shadow of their male greatness.

So in the spirit of being open to love and not loving my solitude to the point of getting stuck in my ways, I've listed myself with a few sites that cover all the potential bases for love/money/chemistry and arrangements. At first I found it very entertaining, as I don't watch TV. But after much correspondence and a few that seemed genuinely interested, they just seem to evaporate. I must say it's a bit discouraging, although many have advised it takes months of being active on these sites and wading through alot of toads (not frogs!) to MAYBE find someone to have a decent date with.

I thought I've heard all the bullshit, but my eyes were opened to some very new flavors of bullshit, kinky weird, scary bullshit. Who knew there was a medical torture chamber in the Trump Tower! I really don't want to go THERE!

Is there basic human love out there anymore or do men just want to play games, run control trips and use their money, success or manhood to continue to keep up the illusion that they are superior to women?

Truly, the dog being called 'man's best friend' was the wisest observation since the roundness of our planet. Of course mankind is doing its best to level the planet into a bleak, flat lifeless thing. The male-dominated CHURCH did in fact place under house arrest and ex-communication that wise observer that discovered the roundness of our planetary home. Control, control, control.

Venice - DAY 1

VENEZIA - City of Water, City of LOVE

My adventure to Venice was truly GRAND. I was mezmerized by my immersion into history. There is no place in the province that you are not IN history, no place to walk that has not been walked by those we read about from days of old. If you walk with a stillness at say, 4 a.m., before the throngs of tourists and the locals setting up shop, you can feel the ghosts of days gone by, the intrigue that was prevalent in those times. Courtesans meeting their lovers of high political position, the famous artists who were commissioned by kings, doges, the pope, who's works are today infamous, assassins who are commissioned by those who wish or need someone to be killed, the places of the murders, darkened alleyways, hidden doorways. It's all still there, and the entire place carries the vibes, the memories, the spirits of it all. In the wee hours of the morning, the magic of Venice is truly alive.

I walked these pathways at this bewitching hour my first morning in Venice, and felt myself to be in no danger personally. My sense of adventure, traveling solo, overtook any fears I might have entertained. I did not even bring along my beloved Canon, as I wanted to feel FULLY this energy that is alive before the morning sun gives a hint of illuminating the darkness and solitude that is only at this hour. The pigeons are absolutely everywhere and seem to 'own' the entire place before the sun rises.

I went to the Rialto crossing on the Grand Canal at this same bewitching time. The quiet of Venice's main waterway was soothing to the soul, with the sounds only of the seagulls, pigeons and water gently lapping against the bridge.

I only smoke cigarettes in Italy, it's the only place to buy the DIANA brand. On the Rialto bridge I took out my first one of the trip. Having no light I asked the only person I saw, a very old man. He embraced me immediately and with his thick Italian dialect, said only "No fume" and "Ciao bella - bootifool, bootifool." He took me to the restaurant just over the bridge that he unlocked, invited me in, gave me a light and made us morning cappuccinos. He kept hugging me and saying those same words over and over, he spoke no English, and my Italian was minimal. Like walking the streets alone in these wee hours feeling no danger, I felt no danger from this little old man. We sipped our delicious brew, and I was on my way, feeling properly welcomed to my adventure here in the City of Water, City of Love and Intrigue. It was clear to me, as in my sojourn to Buenos Aires four years before, that I was on an adventure to fall in love again - with ADVENTURER within mySELF!

Check back in for continuing tales of this Venetian Romance!