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Seriously, the whole online fishing game has gone from entertaining to B O R I N G! As in real life, I'm finding men to be all the same.
Didn't want to have a negative cellular memory regarding the MALE human animal, but they themselves are cultivating this in women. After a history of having an open heart, a hopeful attitude toward finding/attracting and moving forward with a man, the results have always been the same. Of course these results came in a colorful assortment of scenarios that all resulted in either heartache, disappointment or both.
After each love gone wrong, I focused on not letting that particular experience shut me down to romantic love. Paramahansa Yogananda said "friendship is the highest form of love" - not romantic love. Romantic love is based on ego gratification and genital interaction. There, I said it. The very strength I possess that attracted a man was the very factor they came to feel threatened by, a need to control and a desire to destroy. Now that's healthy. That last one took the cake. Yes, I learned a lot from each experience, and was always able to pick myself up, dust myself off, get out the glue to piece back my broken heart and usually, thankfully, write a song about it. I have produced and recorded one CD of such songs, and have many that are not recorded. I had two daughters to raise and I wanted them to not be man-haters - so to do this, I couldn't be a man-hater myself.
One time when the girls were older, I exclaimed "I'm hating men right now and I'm not gay, what does that leave me?" my youngest answered "Alone!" Ah, the wisdom of children!
I've been alone for six years this month. It's been lovely, really. I've learned photography, photoshop, painted a series of canvases, trained and continue to train a canine companion, and a host of other personal growth opportunities-including the creation of this beautiful website - oh, and I almost forgot - I published a book. It's amazing what a woman can do when not involved in the struggle of a relationship who's partner wants me to be subservient, invisible and living in the shadow of their male greatness.
So in the spirit of being open to love and not loving my solitude to the point of getting stuck in my ways, I've listed myself with a few sites that cover all the potential bases for love/money/chemistry and arrangements. At first I found it very entertaining, as I don't watch TV. But after much correspondence and a few that seemed genuinely interested, they just seem to evaporate. I must say it's a bit discouraging, although many have advised it takes months of being active on these sites and wading through alot of toads (not frogs!) to MAYBE find someone to have a decent date with.
I thought I've heard all the bullshit, but my eyes were opened to some very new flavors of bullshit, kinky weird, scary bullshit. Who knew there was a medical torture chamber in the Trump Tower! I really don't want to go THERE!
Is there basic human love out there anymore or do men just want to play games, run control trips and use their money, success or manhood to continue to keep up the illusion that they are superior to women?
Truly, the dog being called 'man's best friend' was the wisest observation since the roundness of our planet. Of course mankind is doing its best to level the planet into a bleak, flat lifeless thing. The male-dominated CHURCH did in fact place under house arrest and ex-communication that wise observer that discovered the roundness of our planetary home. Control, control, control.
Webster's Definition: RESOLUTION - 1. formal expression of intention made; 2. the act of determining upon an action or course of action; 3. firmness of purpose
How far did you dive into your New Year's Resolutions and can you remember without straining what those resolution(s)are? How long did you plan what your resolution would be? Celebrations of the new decade have subsided and we're on the other side, is the enthusiasm you held when forming and announcing your resolution still as strong? Are you feeling the come-down rather than the buoyancy of change?
No resolutions were made by me for this new year. No proclamations or announcements to either myself or others. No pressure. Now on day 6 of 2010, my home went from a ONE on the scale of 1-10 for being organized and everything in its place to a NINE POINT FIVE. The only reason its not a full 10 is there is still one shelf in the kitchen that hasn't undergone my daughter's magic touch, and my junk drawer.
She has come over (she lives next door) when the twins are under their dad's care and tackled my place right down to the closet, the corners and in between appliance and wall. For the past two days she has donated several hours and whipped this place into the shape I've been visualizing and working at slowly (when at all) for quite some time. The eyes and hands of another are always best to tackle such things.
If by the sixth day this miracle has occurred, then we're off to one heck of a start right out the gate.
Sharing with anyone who may actually read my blog, the joy I feel at this accomplishment (without making a resolution to do it) brings me joy. This makes one, perhaps more, teensie bright spots on the planet in the global consciousness and this is a GOOD thing. Thank you for reading my blog.
I've also started being consistent with taking supplements that target what my particular energetic matrix needs. The mission I am assigned and pursuing with action therein requires specific supplements. Multidimensional communication can wreak havoc with the nervous system and skeletal system in particular. This level of communication is pretty regular since publication of THE CHE DIARIES. "Diaries" is a compilation of several journals I've kept through the extraordinary adventure I've experienced during and since my journey to Argentina in 06. Of course prior to the trip I was being groomed for this adventure unbeknownst to me. In retrospect I understand this now. It was a long, intense experience, stretching me far outside my comfort zone and now I'm settled with it. Now I can actually move on with the direction that has come to me through this sometimes harrowing experience without reacting as I did while 'living the book'.
I would be interested if you wish to share with me through your comments on the sort of resolutions you've made, if any, by anyone that reads this blog. Also, any comment(s) you have on any of my blog(s) would be appreciated if they are delivered with kindness. No matter what anyone's opinion is of anything is OK if it is delivered with kindness, because after all, we wish our opinions/thoughts to be heard, not defended against, yes?
I will soon be interviewed on the KVMR radio show of Dr. Haines Ely, M.D. called "EARTH MYSTERIES" regarding THE CHE DIARIES. I will give plenty of notice before I am interviewed so anyone interested can tune in to this well respected radio show. Dr. Ely has some accomplished and interesting people on his show, I am honored to be one of them. Stay tuned, be a bright spot in some way today.
