I'm A TOPIC!!!

THIS JUST IN: I've just learned from a most reliable source that at a funeral of a lady I didn't even know, I, ME, MOI, was a topic of discussion!!! I don't know exactly the nature of the discussion, these details have not yet been revealed, however, one lady, whom I DO know of leaned over and said, "she took my husband."

Gossip is a pain-body activity, and is usually based on non-truths, exaggerations and judgments that are always inaccurate. Gossip is shared between people who in order to feel good about themselves, must have "something to say" about a person that is not present, along with some story that maligns that person. Others of the same level of personal growth, lean in with interest to listen to what that person has to say, giving the gossiper those desired moments of feeling important, "in the spotlight of attention". Then the other participants will add their two cents worth of judgments and what they might "have heard" to add to their own feeling of importance in those seconds they have the attention of the others. I feel the need to add here, a tidbit of enlightenment for all women who's husbands left them for another: There is NO ONE that can STEAL another's HUSBAND. No perfect marriage will find one of the partners straying from the sanctity of their union, either emotionally or sexually. You must face the fact that your marriage had holes in it that you chose to ignore for long enough to lose the interest and respect of your partner. If a woman or man insists even 10 years after their spouse left them, that they are the victim of having their partner stolen, they have not looked at their role in the dynamic of the situation, have taken no responsibility for the breakdown of their marriage, and is not getting their share of the growth opportunities that come from such an earthly experience. The eternal victim learns nothing, but in fact propagates further pain body activity. This pain body spews gossip. The circle goes round and round and the reasons for their life situations are nothing more than feasting material for their ever-growing pain-bodies, when in fact, any and all of inter-relational situations are but growing opportunities for our OWN selves. I have taken my share of the responsibility for the above mentioned gossip that continues to go around this small town. It doesn't effect me that one of my names has been turned into gossip fodder. I have several names and may yet have several more, so if one of them is trashed, this means not only NOTHING to me, but is quite possibly a marketing potential for something I've created and wish to sell, be it an idea or a book!

As an empath, I can FEEL the vibration of gossip going on, but I choose to let it drop away and not adversely effect me. Women who feel they must gossip about another and propagate a pain-body story, simply highlight publicly the fact that they don't have a life of any significance and are parading their own sense of powerlessness. My sympathies are with you, dear lady, and my hopes are that you indeed find your purpose, as you certainly have enough financial resources to not continue such self-demeaning activities and can actually put GOOD ENERGY on this ailing planet. I find it humorous that I am discussed at funerals of people I don't even know. There's no telling how many circles I am discussed in, the participants taking glee in trashing the name of someone they've never met and certainly have never even had a conversation with. This illustrates the purpose of reincarnation, as people assuming no responsibility for the events in their own lives, continually blaming others, have lots of lives to live until they "get it". May I recommend you invest some of your financial fortune into treating your ailing sense of self with some CELLULAR MEMORY RELEASE sessions....I can refer you to a fantastic practitioner! Taking responsibility for our life's events is not easy and sometimes downright painful. It's like walking over hot coals. But, it's part of our reason for being here, which is an age-old question: the reason for our existence..."why am I here?" ......a question that has been pondered since the onset of the thinking human.
This of course leads to my recent discovery of the new science of Genetology, not to be confused with Genealogy but it is the reason genealogy exists! More on this topic in another blog....stay tuned!

GOOD MORNING COMRADES!

SWF: why is it that all the people advertising their availability seem to like the same thing: CAMPING, COOKING, HIKING, etc. Is it because the THINK that's what someone else would like? Or it would paint the picture of wholesome good fun-loving interests? Or is it that everybody just likes to camp & hike? I did and have done all that and liked it. Oh no, I sound like an old BEEN THERE DONE THAT type. I'm reading this book that is both hilarious and sobering called: MARRY HIM, The Case for SETTLING for MR. GOOD ENOUGH, by Lori Gottlieb. This book makes me seem doomed at being single at 55. Makes me seem like if I don't want to find a mate bad enough to compromise some of the things I want in a partner, that there is something WRONG with me. It dooms me as a certain TYPE that is not 'marketable'.

The naturopathic clinician who interviewed me for almost 2 hours last week and has decided to test my hormonal activity (I told her there is probably NONE) and my thyroid, as an imbalance in either/or both could be leading to my lack of what is considered NORMAL LIBIDO. I told her the decrease in this is a survival mechanism because of my demographics and 'what's out there' to utilize such a drive with. I remember having a very healthy libido in my last marriage, but my partner said I "wasn't sweet enough" when I was a sultry vixen expressing desire of him. I was lead around by my healthy drive back then and tortured when my husband withheld this form of intimacy couples are allowed and expected to share. It was indeed TORTUROUS.

I have times of aloneness and 'gee it'd be nice to share morning coffee', but I have developed a healthy relationship with this status and have my daughter, her family and 3 grand-daughters right next door that all love me and welcome me any time. As far as sleeping with a companion, my poodle is just fine. That's why I got a standard poodle, so there's a little something to her, not some teensie ball of fluff that yaps. My standard is big enough to actually feel like another living form. There is no one next to me that snores or takes my covers. I actually savor this time and love being in my cozy nest and never feel "oh, I wish there was someone next to me".

The only time I wish I had a partner is to do projects together, enjoy this lovely place that I live and team up to get things done on the property. Also, someone to plan fun road trips with and to enjoy the sharing of a combined income. I've already had the times of YEARNING to share moments of joy with my children as they were growing up, and YEARNING to just be held and cuddled, and YEARNING to share my healthy libido with. But those days passed and here I am, still in fine shape and looking youthful despite my years on the planet and catastrophies survived.

I am a writer, photographer and painter. Three solitary activities that promote aloneness. I won't call it 'loneliness'. I went through and sometimes still feel lonely, but it doesn't run my life or dictate how my day will go. What I don't have is someone who wants to change me into their idea of what they want, which I've gone through this with every relationship I gave myself over to. I never could quite be accepted in the long term for the me that attracted the guy in the first place. I've been married twice so I don't have to ever worry about that stigma title of "spinster". I'm certainly not fat, lazy and unattractive. In fact, my attractiveness works to my detriment: guys just really wanna fuck me. Oh yeah, I'm an interesting character and it fascinates them, but mainly, they can't get past their dick's reaction to me and that is NOT fun.

I do have certain skills that provide pleasure despite my personal lack of libidic yearnings. I am told that I actually excel at one particular skill that I will decline to comment further on. So I have the pleasure of knowing I can provide this amazing 'service', despite being traded in for a woman who takes it in the #*$&#* and the length of who's arms can manipulate everything at once while being penetrated at the same time. But sex is all this woman wants and the L word is the way to run her off.

It's all a trade off in this 'market' thing. I just feel relieved that I'm ok just living my life and having no agenda other than covering my expenses, not being a 'rescue' case and keeping healthy. Libido health, well, that's like an extreme financial fortune - I can live happily without either and still be ok. After all, I've made it through this far, living every form (well most forms) of the dramas and hard-ships that come with single parenting without either financial or emotional support from the dad, the dad's family or my own parents. AND....both my daughters turned out to be healthy, beautiful women who have successful marriages, are excellent mothers and express strong family values who are not addicted to any substances that curtail their health or life. Not a bad turn out for being raised by just lil' old me (and daily building of a strong spiritual foundation on which to build their lives).

That all said, I'm off to walk my dog and finish my morning coffee, which by the way, I make the best coffee anyone has ever tasted, I'm told by lots of people.....and I'm not sad to have to share it with me, myself and I.