Truly the question of why we are here is relevant. It has been worth the ponder, and continues being worthy of our ponderance because truly, what is the fucking point???
The potty training of toddlers highlights the fact that human excrement and bodily fluids are truly repulsive. Cute as little children may (or may not) be, their bodily functions disgust me. The messes they make with their food, I find enormously disagreeable. Their drool, snot & shit are things one has to have close contact with when caring for them.
When my girls were babies, did I truly not reel from the grossness of it all because they came from ME??? I do remember marveling that my breast fed infant's shit did not stink - that is until around the age of about five months - then something shifted and my olfactory nerve was processing the repulsive smell of human shit.
Dog shit & cat shit are equally gross. Bear shit and the shit (or scat) of wild animals is not. Why the fuck is that? I came across a giant deposit of fresh bear shit and not one molecule of aroma made it to my nose. If that were dog shit I would have been overcome.
And all this repulsive residue of the human creation has served only to pollute our oceans as we mindlessly and selfishly rid ourselves of it and impose it on the creatures of the sea. Now you see/smell it - now you DON'T.
It brings to my attention the words of the opening paragraph of this entry - WHY THE FUCK ARE WE HERE, ANYWAY? We have toxic thoughts, negative emotions, judgmental attitudes and smelly bodies. Oh, there are the fleeting moments of pleasure when we are in the company of something or someone we love. But sometimes that love carries a heavy toll.....the misery of attachment and all it's side-effects.
Are we truly here to propel our spiritual nature toward the alleged perfection from whence we came? Again - FUCKING WHY????? If we came from perfection, then why didn't we just stay there? Now we have to toil with the impositions of a societal creation that truly seems pointless. I mean, making money, paying bills, finding peace within while we labor with these issues? Finding our passion, living our passion, making a living with our passion ~ or not ~ and being miserable & unfulfilled while we toil with JOBS that don't resonate with our passion because people told us we had to ~ and we believed them!!!
No one has come up with an answer. The one offering wisdom and guidance was nailed to a cross, so why do these people think this entity will grace us with a second coming???? If an enlightened 'savior' did return to this Godforsaken place (pun intended) - they'd put him or her on medication or in a psyche ward in lieu of that cross.
I for one am tired of the whole game of everything ~ the drive to BE someone ~ accomplish someTHING ~ attain anyTHING and maintain a healthy detachment to it all. It all truly comes up as POINTLESS ~ and I truly have been pondering, introspecting and searching outside & more importantly INSIDE for decades ~ and it still comes up POINTFUCKINGLESS!
My precious little grandson is due any day to arrive onto this stink ball we've turned this planet into. He has come from perfection, only to be steeped into the cesspool of humanity with all the trimmings.....cellular memories that comes with a physical body, memories that aren't even HIS, but that of an ancestor ~ the pain of being a baby - a digestive system firing up with all it's pangs and pains and the resultant shitting in one's pants and spitting up sour milk. Getting teeth ~ losing teeth ~ getting MORE teeth! Having to undergo the barrage of bullshit the newly arrived are subjected to by the medical profession - pokes with needles, testing for this & that, the painful ritual of circumcision. Now THERE'S one I don't grok - surgically removing something that was placed there for SOME reason we stinky humans don't understand, so we WHACK it off for no other reason than the fact that it was done by others in the belief that a little less stink will be the result.....a few less genital germs will breed.
And, speaking of breeding - there is this insatiable drive ignited and maintained to breed - and if not to result in furthering the species, to only give us this thing called orgasms, or getting off. It's different for each person and none of us seem to match up favorably with another with our drives or lack of drive. This wreaks havoc when we couple up and try, like birds, to mate for life. This chemical in our system, or assortment of chemicals, drives us to make really bad decisions in your younger years (I can speak for myself on this account) thereby subjecting ourselves to further misery, emotionally and/or financially speaking. We breed with others that are not in our best interest - or are they??? Because after all, it's the misery we create for ourselves that promote this allegedly illusive and highly desired state of what is called ENLIGHTENMENT. One can attain this state by finding their center when the pendulum swings toward happiness and away from misery or away from happiness and toward misery.....either way, it's a roller coaster ride that we don't even realize we are on for several decades, if ever.
I for one am stuck in a very uncomfortable middle. I realize that what I don't like in others is what I don't like in myself (now THERE'S a fun mirror to look in!) ~ there's nothing material I am striving for and working toward so that I may possess it and show it off to others or simply enjoy it for myself ~ I seek not love in another human being, because GOD only knows, that love, IF found, comes with conditions I must live up to and fulfillment I must provide for whoever this other one may be that I think I love and am deluded into thinking loves me-or else a very painful parting ensues. I've lived through this one too many times to continue living with this illusion and striving to be part of it.
I may be perceived as cynical or bitter just because I've been around the block so many times that I don't see the point in going around that same block one more time. I'm not depressed or on medication to even things out, but that does remind me - having one's hormones in a jar in the refrigerator does at least make for one not being enslaved by their own hormone production gone awry.
So where do we go from here? Someone DO tell... what IS the fucking point?
