Amazing Gayatri Chant by Ave Guevara

Twenty Eight Days

TWENTY EIGHT DAYS. An experiment I am proposing to Mr. Smith, my creative partner.

The video will run for 28 days in my life, capturing a major shift that I sense is in my immediate 'future'. The holidays are upon us, which in and of itself instigates shifts and upheavals in many human lives on the emotional and pain-body fronts. The ending of the current year and the promise of the new one is also a potent set of circumstances in the human life cycle for huge shifts and emotional turmoil, as we review where we've been and map out where we think we would like to go.

Another wintry storm is upon us, following the first of the series that knocked down trees and broke their branches both on my property and all over town. I was in sunny, warm Houston during that first cold and destructive storm. A huge tree fell across our driveway taking three others with it. My son in law had some intense chain-sawing to clear the way....ah, life in the country! The huge old oak that arches way above my bedroom which is a yurt gives me the feeling of playing Russian Roulette each night that I go to sleep in there. As this storm has taken down and broken the limbs off small, healthy and younger trees, this big old oak is now posing a red-alert threat. Whatever the price to have it taken out will be cheaper than the cost of the tree taking me out.

Thanksgiving successfully behind us, Christmas looming in front. But what is more on my plate than either a turkey dinner or holiday gift giving is the personal shift I am experiencing regarding my own personal pain body and the role of motherhood, grandmotherhood and mother-in-law-hood. I realize I love walking the streets of other countries and places is because I do not identify or am identified with any of these roles. I embraced motherhood and gave it my all in my youth, as my values were to bestow upon the people that came to me in the form of my children a healthy set of life tools to take them through their course in balanced ways. To give them no belief system except an open mind and realization of their own power to create the lives they envision. To have them trust in the Source of all Creation, and yes, I called it GOD in those days, and sometimes still do.

As a single mom, this took almost all of me. It was a job worth doing well and I have the peace of mind that I pulled that off. However, I AM DONE. I have experienced joy from the honorary place of Grand-Mother, and now, even that role is changing for me. It is seriously time for ME. I am not the typical grandparent who lives to babysit and goes to goo over cute antics. Yes children are cute, but cuteness can be a huge distraction to staying on course with the consistency necessary to raise a child who has self discipline, respect for others and a healthy regard for boundaries. Children are NOT cute who do not have these attributes imparted to them.

To any I may sound 'old fashioned' to, hear this: well mannered children are not old fashioned, even though I witness the majority of children exercising strong wills with hefty doses of disrespect toward their parents and other adults. Being as caught up in the multiple forms of networking media that I am witnessing with the parents, development of GOOD CHARACTER seems to be left in the dust, deemed as out of style and too troublesome for parents to stay consistent with. Of course I witnessed this same thing when I was a parent of young children. It takes more than most people are willing to give to their children in the form of consistent guidance. The little things push and push and push some more and yes, they all drive their parents crazy.....but being aware of this cycle is the first step in dealing effectively with it. The second step in dealing effectively with it is knowing that the long term effects of the adult you will produce from that child rearing lasts way longer than their cute little childhoods.

I am thankful to have successfully completed Parenting 101-1001. I am successfully saying good-bye to the role of caregiver and mother of others and beginning to give myself that care and nurturing. It is TIME FOR ME. I am not looking for a boyfriend to love me, because I will spend that energy loving myself. There are enough people that love me in all kinds of ways, and I don't feel the need to look for or try to attract THE ONE. The only ONE is the Source of All Creation, of which we each are a tiny expression of. Life is inherently good, and focusing on that GOOD will only bring more good things, experiences and creation of a joyous life.

NANNIES TELL ALL

NANNIES that TELL ALL in their 15 seconds of fame tabloid trash articles compromise the integrity of such an important position. In other words: IT GIVES NANNIES A BUM RAP....between the "tell all" and the ones having affairs with the famous dads of their charges, these bitches ought not be given the honor of having their trash read.

ANGELINA JOLIE is on the top of their list currently. The world is just itching to get their negative judgments regarding this incredible actor confirmed. The nanny on the TELL ALL stage piping how Angelina is too busy for her children ought to be tarred and feathered and the tabloids should have boycotted this persons malevolent gossip.

Of course Angelina is busy - that is why she hires nannies. This does not mean she is a bad mother. So what she gushes about her daughter---she's an adoring mother who's children fill her life. So what she and Brad have disagreements and even, God forbid....have a fight!! Doesn't everyone in a relationship have this occur? So what she was a wild child? By seeing how her life is going with the choices she is making as an adult everyone should be inspired, not critical of her past shenanigans and how she came through that phase and now shines on many stages.....point is SHE GREW OUT OF A NATURAL PHASE OF GROWING UP!

Is the world so quick to want her to fail because they are all jealous of her extreme beauty, her grace, her accomplishments and her global lifestyle?

Just look at the fun, action packed movies she entertains us with, or provokes thought and opens our eyes to issues that would go unnoticed save for the films she gives the world.

So what her children run a little wild!!! Who's children are NOT a little wild! What she does in her home with her family is none of our business. For someone in the the ultimate position of trust to turn around and TELL ALL is displaying extreme lack of integrity on this person's part....and they demonstrate their willingness to BETRAY the one who entrusted her.

It gives nannies a bad name, a bum rap, and diminishes the integrity of this position. SHAME ON YOU, and anyone else that is trusted by a parent to care for their children and then go and sell a story that is probably chock full of misinformation, exaggerations and flat out lies.

THE 33rd RESCUE

THE 33rd RESCUE
is the symbol of strength of spirit and empowerment through unity.

The 33rd RESCUE
is the year of Christ Consciousness being awakened within us by the spark ignited from experience with life on earth, initiating a SHIFT within each soul, that spark comes straight from the Source. We can choose at that juncture to fan the spark into a raging fire of Divine Light, warming our souls within the embrace of That Which Is Sacred.....and share this light and peace with those we meet......or simply let the spark diminish into the shadows of our ignorance, and feed the ignorance with more of the same mediocrity that has been offered us.

What is the choice going to be? We have this choice every day, with every experience we encounter, day in and day out. We choose to fan the flames, and it seems, life will still throw a bucket of water upon it. We rekindle that flame and let that water serve only to quench our thirst in our quest for God Consciousness. Then it seems life is capable of attacking us with a super heavy duty industrial strength fire extinguisher - it could come in the form of despair ~ from yet another of life's events. But the spark remains within the safety of the middle of your heart. CAN YOU FEEL ITS RADIANCE STILL?

We all are intrigued by the sojourn of the THIRTY THREE MINERS because their plight represents our OWN inner confinement within the depths of shadow and doubt and worry and fear. Will I be rescued? How many times have YOU given up? Can I be rescued? I know I gave up many times. May I be rescued? But in those moments of giving up, there is a letting go, and then the spark radiates more warmth ~ it beckons us. FIRE IT UP ~ fire up the strength of spirit TO NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR RESCUE. Prayer can help establish a focus, but it takes ACTION to bring about an actual rescue. This is the combination open to us with each occurrence in life that feels like a bucket of water on our fire. PRAYER in the form of VISUALIZING the results you wish to see....whether it is for yourself or for those 33 miners in South America.

The media wants to own those miners now, with all its tentacles - books, films, talk shows, deals, deals & more deals. They will throw money at them to try to own them. WHY????
Because the masses are hungry to read, view, watch and hear about anyone out there who survives coming up from the depths of darkness - whether it is a mine, an addiction or a tragedy. We long to hear the GOOD ENDING. We wish to own what it is our spirit needs ~ freedom ~ liberation from darkness....But this my friends, money cannot buy. Strength of Spirit cannot be bought, it cannot be owned......but it CAN be realized~you already HAVE IT, and it can be utilized~you can be rescued from the harrowing darkness and come up and out into the light and fresh air. Visualize your rescue!

The ARTIST'S WAY

Into WEEK 3 of The Artist's Way book: A Spiritual Path To Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. This course is about discovering and recovering your creative self. My way good friend, Jane, suggested to her circle of friends that we all embark on this 12 week course on our own, just to all be doing it in honor of the power of a group intent. I don't know who all of Jane's circle is doing it, it's not about us all having dialog and emails over our progress or thoughts about it. I know Jane is doing it, I know I am doing it.

I've read this book through and have done the exercises before. In fact, I had to search for the book in order to do it again. So here we are at WEEK 3. I dutifully write the 'morning pages' everyday, because, well, I write in my journal every morning any way and have since I can remember. I usually brew up my ritual cup of steaming jo with frothed half and half, sit in my comfy chair, sip and write. This is my morning routine that has started my day for a long time.

This morning was different. OK, so it's a full moon and the Autumnal Equinox. Things are shifting, but then again, when AREN'T things shifting in this universe? We all are, after all, living on dirt plates floating around on a sphere of water that is spinning in an orbit that is orbiting around a sun that is orbiting around a galaxy that is orbiting around God knows what else. So, yeah, I have a cup of coffee to get grounded. Silly, huh?

As I was saying though, this morning's pages were different. I woke up because there were all types of wildlife critter sounds outside my yurt-bedroom, and I felt immediately restless, as did my canine companion. Firsts there were mouse sounds by the door, then the raccoons were on the deck, and all other sorts of critter activities around. I had a slight headache...hmmm, earthquake activity ? Then my mind kicked into full beat-me-up gear. The knots in the poodle hair made me feel badly for not keeping on top of brushing her enough simply by running my fingers lovingly over her, as I do each morning and throughout our days. This fired up the host of thoughts that are carried around rearing their ugly heads and sabotaging any sense of well being or belonging at any given time. The thoughts that meditation silence (but don't). The thoughts that just wreak havoc in a person's life. We all have them.

So I pick up my journal and just start writing. All my feelings of weirdness, restlessness, loneliness I'm feeling at the moment, out-of-placeness in the world-in society-in my life....and it goes on for a full three pages, just the amount of prescribed writing in this course. I don't even want coffee. I hear my daughter's van start up and drive off to the gym. Good for her getting up before the family and the sun and going off to exercise. I wish I were motivated to exercise that way myself....ooops, there goes another berating thought. But I catch it and pick up the Artist's Way book and decide to do a bit of reading in the third chapter.

Page 68 found me bursting into tears and a flow of emotions came out, triggered by the words I was reading on this page. "Wow," I think at this display of emotion and flow of feelings, "this book is really working." Before this page, it didn't bring up any powerful emotions but rather gently validated why I am the way I am. Most artist's are like this, whatever "this" is.

So the egg of my inner workings finally cracked. The yolk of my childhood shame is spilling out and the gooey egg white of all my adult shaming and damaging criticisms are surrounding the yolk and together this potential life, now cracked and spilled can only, if cooked into a meal, nourish with protein to grow, who I now am. That potential little chick is now someone's breakfast. Mine? Am I the egg, the spilled contents, the chicken, the potential chicken that is now the meal or the meal itself? All of the above?

What I am going to do today is simply paint the paintings that I've so meticulously and enthusiastically began and just left sitting to do other 'more important' things for other people. I invite anyone that reads this blog to take a little time to tune in to their creative nature, and if you think you don't have one, treat yourself to purchasing this book and bring out that creative nature in yourself that others might have told you does not exist. It does.

GOVINDAM ADI PURSHAM

GOVINDAM ADI PURUSAM

FRUITS OF ABUNDANCE

NATURE sustains, nurtures, inspires and FEEDS all Creations on Earth. Despite societal impositions of massive imbalance onto all levels of life who's details are not necessary to list here-- if one simply takes a moment to align with that which is NATUR-All, one will be nourished, inspired and rejuvenated.

In the spring I had the pleasure to walk down the lane of a plum tree blossom extravaganza, pictured above. Mornings found Cheyana and me standing beneath the canopy of blossoms basking in nature's power to rejuvenate simply by 'being'. There was no sense of having to be anywhere else to get anything done in these moments. Color therapy in it's natural state has enormous power to nurture the human spirit.

Now we walk early mornings down this lane to stand beneath a canopy of deep purple foliage laden with plums, one tree with a purple fruit the size of a large cherry, the other with a plumper fruit of golden purple with blush pink overtones. Both varieties are succulent and sweet. I feast on them every morning and evening during our walks, and Cheyana mulls around my feet sniffing the ground with a palatable serenity about her demeanor. We just hang out, basking in the lovely solitude of each others company beneath these amazing trees. As the trees are saturated with fruit, I am saturated with gratitude and I feast upon them.

The other morning beneath these trees, I had the pleasure to experience the refreshing guidance from the other dimension that I had been sorely missing. I 'realized' the rarity of this exquisite communication was due to my own static mind these past months. But with the balancing out of my biological chemistry through the wonders of modern medicine, a calm has come over me that allows me to 'receive' the beautiful 'words' that came to me often while still 'living' the book I was to write, THE CHE DIARIES.

I am stepping into a renewed sense of energetic resonance, complete with the joys of a newly broadened perspective. This renewal is the result of months and months of focused intent to work through the shift that always disguises itself as a perception of crisis, be it mid-life or 'anytime-of-life' event. Life is fraught with these shifts and are very difficult to get through to the other side safely, and not be prescribed a lifetime course of some heavy duty medication (which is sometimes required), incarceration or hospitalization (which are paths some people's shifting results in), or dead (which is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, aka suicide).

I already went through the medication phase at the onset of this shift a couple of years prior, and have gone through the labyrinth of discovery of what the organic issue was and seeking balance of it through a variety of healing modalities. My hard work paid off eventually, but not before I endured long, hard trials, sometimes feeling myself lost to the battle of the darkness that threatened me everyday on all levels of my existence. I won't go into the details of this battle herein, but it is all chronicled for an eventual literary project.

Today is about focusing on the blossoms and the fruit and how sweet life presents itself to be when the perspective returns to its original state of being. My prayers of alignment go out to all who's eyes may come across this blog and take the time to read it...to all those searching for the flashlight they have dropped along their darkened trail of Consciousness Shifting. These shifts are necessary to grow closer to the light....even though when in the middle of it, one may curse the light itself along with the day they were born into this world.

May these words inspire you that the fruit comes back onto the tree after it's long winter of going within. Be as the fruit tree, that is a living example. Keep searching for the flashlight while knowing you can adjust your eyes to the darkness until it is found....and DON'T GIVE UP BRAVE WARRIOR!

DOG TRAINING GONE WRONG

OSMOSIS OF NEUROSIS: the passing of neurotic personal behavior onto the unwitting canine companion.

POODLE THERAPY was the conclusion I had come to as a means to resolve my need for companionship and apply focus to accomplish something resulting in a positive outcome I could see immediately. Good training = Good dawg. Nothing more beautiful than a well trained dog, nothing more gratifying than to have a canine companion who's impeccable training made her a joy to walk. Make that canine companion a beautiful red standard poodle, and one could spend time grooming, preening and brushing her beautiful coat, deepening the bond, and it would also provide the 'touch therapy' humans need that I sorely lacked in my life.

Getting a beautiful dog was alot easier than getting a boyfriend. Maintaining a dog is way easier (despite all the work) than maintaining a relationship with a mortal man. Also, getting a dog would end this sometimes impossible multi-dimensional association I was having with Ernesto Che Guevara. (yes, I endure some thinking I'm either crazy or possessed, but whatever!) I've always been a target for judgments, but that is another blog altogether.

He (my invisible friend), always said he would stay with me as long as I had neither a boyfriend or a pet. I even wrote in my journal during the time I was "living my book" that I should just "get a poodle or a goldfish" - - and be done with the whole multi-dimensional thing anyway. Of course I did rebuke him from my life in the name of God, Jesus, Mary...you name it, several times, and his not leaving indicated he did not have ill intent and was neither a 'tramp spirit' or evil entity possessing me, as the recitation of prayer and psalms would have ended it. Nothing evil remains in the Light of the Divine. I bathed myself, my consciousness and my surroundings with prayer, always have, always will. He stayed.

So, now I have my beautiful RED STANDARD POODLE, "CHEYANA". I got her almost a year ago when she was 4 months old. She came to me housebroken, click-trained and adorable. She is loveable, without issues of trauma or abuse. I thought long and hard about a rescue dog or an intended pedigree that was bred to be sold or shown. A standard poodle was my choice - I have allergies to animal hair and having grandchildren warranted an undamaged pup (in my opinion).

"Besides," I said also, "if I'm going to do the intense work and have the expense of a dog, it's going to be a breed I always wanted, which is the standard poodle." So there.

She entered my life in perfect condition. The most intelligent breed of dog, she immediately learned to sit/stay/lay down and come in both French and English. I wanted my granddaughter to learn French, and I wanted to learn French also, so to have a dog trained in both languages, would ensure we learn this beautiful language. This has been very rewarding.

DOGS REFLECT THE OWNER. I've heard this, read this, you name it, this sentiment is indeed a reality that has proven itself over the ions of people and their dogs. People even come to resemble their pet and vice versa. Hell, my daughter and son in law look at Cheyana and say "you know mom, you guys look alike." My reply is "I don't even have brown eyes -- I LOOK like a POODLE????"

On this note, it must be noted that after I got my dog, I experienced a year of intense personal grief and symptoms of chemical imbalances, first diagnosed in my brain, then testing positive for hormonal imbalances. Either way it gets diagnosed, the end result is I was experiencing a disturbed sense of well being resulting in outward, shall we say, neurotic behavior. This neurotic behavior was not publicly demonstrated, but came over me in all those private moments alone (now with dog) in my beautiful cabin retreat in the woods by the flowing creek.

I had a professional trainer spend a day here and show me the correct way to train Cheyana, and he did laugh and say 'really, it's the dog owners that need the training.' Man oh man, that statement rings as true as that Bell Tower in Venice every hour on the hour! I have temporarily ruined my perfect poodle.

A dog trainer may sound like a luxury, but I believe they can train a dog without passing onto it whatever their personal life issues are. They simply TRAIN THE DOG. A dog owner that reads about dog training and wants to attempt to train their dog like a professional cannot do so from a neutral 'dog trainer' space....they inadvertently pass onto the dog, their personal neurosis. My poodle is living proof of this dog owner/dog osmosis of neurosis. I say I 'temporarily ruined' her, because with this awareness staring me in the face, my intention is to reverse this by a) contact the dog trainer to get tips on reversing this osmosis and learn how to behave like a dog trainer, and b) becoming a dog trainer, not a dog owner, and c) staying consistent with all of the above.

The hormone supplemental gel will be arriving in the post today. I know eating the entire tube will not instantly balance me out and I will resist the temptation to apply the 'more is better' adage that humans frequently apply to situations, and simply follow the directions.

I will place myself in a personal boot-camp and get my ass exercising because my life literally depends on it. Just because I'm not fat and still look hot fully dressed, doesn't mean I'm in tone and possessing any strength or muscle mass. Point is, I can fool myself on the outside, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'm just flat getting to the 'age' where I can't get away with this too much longer. Lazybones needs to SHAPE UP!!! Maybe I need a boyfriend that's a drill sergeant and in great shape, thereby having me LOVE to go to the gym. Or maybe I should pretend I just got signed to star in a movie like G.I. Jane. The latter is more realistic.

Either way, my dog does not lie. She is reflecting back the neurosis I experienced and want to forget now that I'm emerging on the other side of. In other words, I have to BE THE CHANGE. And I still am not 'out of the woods' yet, I am only 'emerging'.

I'll keep y'all posted on my progress. And now that I've make this public, I've GOT to live something worth keeping my fans coming back to read! So keep those cards and letters coming people---I love you one and all! Au Revoir.....

GREETINGS & SALUTATIONS EARTHLINKS & OTHERS

So here we are, another mild, summer afternoon...balmy, breezy and non eventful in the drama department. I have learned that the hormonal balance within my physical body is WAY out of balance. Now I wasn't told by the women's health practitioner who's care I was under and who answered my menopausal questions, that hormonal deficiencies the first FIVE years post menopause CAUSE BONE LOSS!!! So I've been tested twice and have full on bone loss. G R E A T! So if any readers out there can learn from this and replace those hormones in those critical first years, you will not host such a condition.

Of course I feel no effects from bone loss. I haven't shrunk. I just won't use those new rollerblades I purchased or my new ice skates I got last winter. I mean, why invite trouble while I don't have insurance to cover an orthopedic repair. I'm not a fear factor freak, but I'm not into pushing it until I build back the skeletal structure. Now hormone replacement therapy has gotten a pretty bad rap over the years, and the good ol' US of A is really backward compared to Europe when it comes to innovative medicine THAT WORKS, and their women supplement the hormones in a way that does not cause other problems. The gel-based hormones ordered from WOMEN'S INTERNATIONAL PHARMACY is the ticket. Half the price. And don't forget to request the gel, not the cream, as the cream is fraught with chemical additives. Why get a dose of stuff you don't need with the stuff you do need. Yeah, the gel is 'colder' without the consistency of a nice cream, but this is not worth putting more laboratory crap onto my skin and into my system.

All the symptoms I have expressed in previous blogs are indicative of hormonal imbalance, extremely low levels I might add. Have your formulations done from a SALIVA TEST which is more reliable than a blood test as it shows the hormonal activity and interaction. I may not even BE bipolar. This is an overdiagnosed condition and the doctors get kickbacks from the pharmaceutical companies. After all, a psyche doctor would rather prescribe his kind of meds than send you to your doctor to check for hormonal imbalances. This possibility wasn't even suggested by my psyche doctor.

SO LADIES.....I wound up talking here like the expert on menopause that I have become. The journey has been perilous and downright shitty. No scientific term describes it like JUST PLAIN SHITTY. One can insert the words transitional, life changing, transformational, paralyzing, but apply experience to any of those terms and it's JUST PLAIN SHITTY. Like childbirth, JUST PLAIN PAINFUL. I don't care how many drugs you get, it's just plain painful. If this blog reaches just ONE WOMAN out there and helps steer her ship into waters that are easier to navigate for a shorter term than mine has been, this blog has served its purpose. Please feel free to write me any comments, questions or your own experience with this aspect of womanhood that our ancestors were spared by not living past 40. Of course they were having to live in caves, avoid demise from being food for large animals with big teeth, or worse yet, dying in childbirth. I don't think any of them had time to contemplate possible effects related to actually BEING a woman. Did they even know how they got pregnant???

This most humorously irrelevant photograph heading this blog is a central art sculpture at the Peggy Guggenheim museum on the Grand Canal in Venice, Italy. I have to wonder how Peggy might have utilized this work in her own humorous way, it is after all, conveniently life size and reflects the endowment of Adonis himself!

As a POST SCRIPT, I must mention that men do not escape hormonal shifts in what is called ANDROPAUSE. The recipient of this condition may lose their enthusiasm for the challenge of work, competition and sexual activity. They can also lose bone and muscle mass and have their energy zapped. SO LADIES, we are not to assume all the blame put on any relationship discord as we received during our PMS cycles due to hormones or the lack thereof. Remember when during certain times in our relationships/marriages where the male counterpart could conveniently blame any issues on our cycles???? They didn't even consider the possibility/probability that they had any negative contribution to aggravate us, AND they don't taste near as yummy as chocolate, no wonder we didn't crave them like we did chocolate!

BABY PETER ABUSE LINK

ATTENTION ALL: In addendum to the story on OBESITY & CHILD ABUSE that I just posted, I wish to make it easy for all of you to read the story about BABY PETER.

After learning of this nightmare of all nightmare child abuse stories, I felt it my duty to both follow the story and publish my articles on this to in some way, be a warrior against such abhorrent human behavior.

The story of this baby haunted me severely, caused me grievous depression, for as a grandmother of 4 small children, this is the worst nightmare to be aware of existing on the planet. When this child was not beaten, he had the face of an angel, that was distorted beyond recognition. For his sake, I published articles on this, as they were in the U.K. and not even brought up here in the U.S. For his sake, I brought it up. At least, I can pray for the soul of this baby to heal from the dimension upon which he moved.

http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/3939293-baby-peters-grizzly-torturous-death-photo

For the memory of him, and to honor him, please make yourself aware that this is happening right now, to someone you will never even hear of. It is OUR DUTY to be aware of this so we may begin work on SHIFTING the energy through that awareness and prayer to the higher beings for the healing of those that commit this crime against our children everywhere.

OBESITY IN AMERICA

HEAR YE, HEAR YE: Learning that obesity in America is rampant, even epidemic, and that the 'cause' of obesity comes from the individual subconsciously insulating themselves due to sexual abuse endured as a child, then this would give an idea about how many children have been sexually abused in this country in just the last generation.

DISCLAIMER: Now, don't everyone get their feathers in a ruffle if your child is obese....I'm not suggesting every case is due to this. When we see those kids walking down the street shoving junk food in their face with an obese parent doing the same, their condition is not necessarily indicative of having been sexually abused.

HOWEVER, I have stated in a past blog on THE BIGGEST LOSERS, my disgust over this being such a popular show and how there are so many shows, advertisements, articles, etc., focusing on BIG PEOPLE, that people of moderate stature are simply tired of being subjected to this at every turn. I for one, who has always been mindful of what I eat being directly related to how my body will look and feel, am tired of receiving spam on how to shed those extra pounds. It is assumed that everyone with an email account is OBESE.

So, with no further adieu, I simply wanted to suggest the correlation between obesity as a defense mechanism for a person that endured sexual abuse as a child and that even if half the cases were a result of this dreadful act, than it is the abuse that is/was rampant in this country. I for one, was appalled to learn that some people I knew were abused by a friend of their father's, a brother or a grandfather, etc.

It is SEXUAL ABUSE of children that is epidemic, and obesity is a side effect of that child trying to protect itself. Some just grow up and hide it, having a moderate stature, others wind up with severe depression for which they self medicate either with alcohol, resulting in alcoholism, or drug use, resulting in abuse of these substances as well.

WE MUST pay attention to this, I don't know what any of us can do about it, as the protection for children against such evils doesn't seem to exist. Even little BABY PETER in the U.K., screamed when the visitation with his dad was over and was being handed back to the mother who allowed him to be tortured to death both at her hand, and the hands of her boyfriend. There was a baby who was seen over 62 times by the child protective service and all those times he had severe injuries. Ultimately, he died of those injuries after being handed back to those abhorrent individuals yet again. His face and his story will forever haunt me. To read about this, just visit my site on ALL VOICES. You probably won't want to though, because it will haunt you too. I had to make myself do it for PETER. He is only one case of all that are occurring right now, in this instant, as you are reading this blog.

GOOD MORNING COMRADES!

SWF: why is it that all the people advertising their availability seem to like the same thing: CAMPING, COOKING, HIKING, etc. Is it because the THINK that's what someone else would like? Or it would paint the picture of wholesome good fun-loving interests? Or is it that everybody just likes to camp & hike? I did and have done all that and liked it. Oh no, I sound like an old BEEN THERE DONE THAT type. I'm reading this book that is both hilarious and sobering called: MARRY HIM, The Case for SETTLING for MR. GOOD ENOUGH, by Lori Gottlieb. This book makes me seem doomed at being single at 55. Makes me seem like if I don't want to find a mate bad enough to compromise some of the things I want in a partner, that there is something WRONG with me. It dooms me as a certain TYPE that is not 'marketable'.

The naturopathic clinician who interviewed me for almost 2 hours last week and has decided to test my hormonal activity (I told her there is probably NONE) and my thyroid, as an imbalance in either/or both could be leading to my lack of what is considered NORMAL LIBIDO. I told her the decrease in this is a survival mechanism because of my demographics and 'what's out there' to utilize such a drive with. I remember having a very healthy libido in my last marriage, but my partner said I "wasn't sweet enough" when I was a sultry vixen expressing desire of him. I was lead around by my healthy drive back then and tortured when my husband withheld this form of intimacy couples are allowed and expected to share. It was indeed TORTUROUS.

I have times of aloneness and 'gee it'd be nice to share morning coffee', but I have developed a healthy relationship with this status and have my daughter, her family and 3 grand-daughters right next door that all love me and welcome me any time. As far as sleeping with a companion, my poodle is just fine. That's why I got a standard poodle, so there's a little something to her, not some teensie ball of fluff that yaps. My standard is big enough to actually feel like another living form. There is no one next to me that snores or takes my covers. I actually savor this time and love being in my cozy nest and never feel "oh, I wish there was someone next to me".

The only time I wish I had a partner is to do projects together, enjoy this lovely place that I live and team up to get things done on the property. Also, someone to plan fun road trips with and to enjoy the sharing of a combined income. I've already had the times of YEARNING to share moments of joy with my children as they were growing up, and YEARNING to just be held and cuddled, and YEARNING to share my healthy libido with. But those days passed and here I am, still in fine shape and looking youthful despite my years on the planet and catastrophies survived.

I am a writer, photographer and painter. Three solitary activities that promote aloneness. I won't call it 'loneliness'. I went through and sometimes still feel lonely, but it doesn't run my life or dictate how my day will go. What I don't have is someone who wants to change me into their idea of what they want, which I've gone through this with every relationship I gave myself over to. I never could quite be accepted in the long term for the me that attracted the guy in the first place. I've been married twice so I don't have to ever worry about that stigma title of "spinster". I'm certainly not fat, lazy and unattractive. In fact, my attractiveness works to my detriment: guys just really wanna fuck me. Oh yeah, I'm an interesting character and it fascinates them, but mainly, they can't get past their dick's reaction to me and that is NOT fun.

I do have certain skills that provide pleasure despite my personal lack of libidic yearnings. I am told that I actually excel at one particular skill that I will decline to comment further on. So I have the pleasure of knowing I can provide this amazing 'service', despite being traded in for a woman who takes it in the #*$&#* and the length of who's arms can manipulate everything at once while being penetrated at the same time. But sex is all this woman wants and the L word is the way to run her off.

It's all a trade off in this 'market' thing. I just feel relieved that I'm ok just living my life and having no agenda other than covering my expenses, not being a 'rescue' case and keeping healthy. Libido health, well, that's like an extreme financial fortune - I can live happily without either and still be ok. After all, I've made it through this far, living every form (well most forms) of the dramas and hard-ships that come with single parenting without either financial or emotional support from the dad, the dad's family or my own parents. AND....both my daughters turned out to be healthy, beautiful women who have successful marriages, are excellent mothers and express strong family values who are not addicted to any substances that curtail their health or life. Not a bad turn out for being raised by just lil' old me (and daily building of a strong spiritual foundation on which to build their lives).

That all said, I'm off to walk my dog and finish my morning coffee, which by the way, I make the best coffee anyone has ever tasted, I'm told by lots of people.....and I'm not sad to have to share it with me, myself and I.

LIGHT, LIFE & COFFEE

GOOD MORNING from the EL CHE CAFE! This new day has brought relief from the dark portal through which I have been trekking. When in such a portal, it's like the radio waves/cell reception from one's higher self cannot be received, as the signal cannot penetrate the darkness. Hence, we tumble like a fallen surfer in the wave.

This passage has taught me to remember many things: at the onset of this 'adventure', I was informed with the other Reiki students that following our initiations, there is what is called a
21-day cleanse. This means that for the 21 days following the initiation into the intent to heal oneself so to assist with the healing of others within the 'wings' of the Reiki channel. The symptoms of this vary from pleasant moments or visiting one's personal depths of HELL. My experience was the latter of these two extremes, with not a moment of the former so far.

"The LIGHT (of Reiki) is already within us already, but now we are CHOOSING the path of healing, ourselves and others, and by that intention and through the power of the Reiki initiations, our channel is exponentially stronger, which means whatever issues, challenges or old patterns that have been in the realm of the subconscious has the opportunity to come to the surface and if it feels right you may re-experience an old hurt or a past bitterness or disappointment that has needed your attention for a long time. Then it can be released into the Reiki wave, but you may have to feel it first. None of us like that part!" - the teacher further writes in this recommendation -- "I'd rather just get the awareness and move on, but it has been my experience that some things actually take a life of their own, and sabotage other areas."

So this is the essence of the cause of this HELL WEEK (or weeks as this is) I have chosen to look at as a portal. It will be a NEW & IMPROVED me that emerges, because I am processing some ancient stuff that I actually tried to process correctly as I went to avoid a huge pile of un-closed issues & stuff. The last time I had every last piece of subconscious muck hit me all at the same time, ironically, was the head injury sustained in that car-crash that in my previous blog shared that I learned can impose a bipolar condition in a person that does not previously have it. (Genetic predisposition to depression disorders can make such an imposition happen in from head trauma). This fact made me feel better for about five minutes during my trek thru said HELL. I'll never forget the overwhelm at feeling all this stuff at once. The brain is designed, I had learned, to process things as it goes, and not have it all heaped on you at once. This causes TILT to take over. TILT mode sucks. It is the paralysis catalyst.


Reading this Reiki Cleanse letter, visiting the Naturopathic clinic, learning the cause of the bipolar condition in my case, being under the wing of my Reiki teacher through this, and having much success and ah-ha moments with Louise Hauck with whom I have been apprenticing for 6 weeks, all are great guideposts along this perilous journey to ensure that the ME that emerges from this REIKI PURIFICATION will have been well worth all this darkness to endure.


I can share another interesting little tidbit that adds to the intensity of it all. Although I have not shared on any public platform the continuing adventures of my relationship with the one my book introduced to any of you that has read it, or know me personally, this REIKI has had an effect on the healing mechanisms within his energetic matrix that have also been felt through my energetic matrix. We are the energetic partners in healing. My REIKI teacher even saw his eyes look at her during the fourth initiation into this first level. She had never heard of this person's earthly incarnation either. It's not a light matter to accommodate a healing of a being on another dimension. It also had an eye opening effect of this wise and incredible sage who is my teacher to realize my initiation with her was illustrating that REIKI actually can initiate the power with one who has already passed.

Sound too far out there for any of you? Think that these could be the ramblings of yet another bipolarly imbalanced disordered mid-life crisis, empty nest, post-meno woman who has no mortal partner, but would rather entertain in the safety of one without an actual body? All the more reason you should order up THE CHE DIARIES, continue to read my blog, be willing to look at the limitations your judgments and opinions of what is unknown to you and be open to allowing your own childlike imagination guide that stodgy old adult you believe you have become and entertain the possibility that just maybe, what you believe could be not it at all.

After the initial absolute-too weird for even me- line of thinking. After throwing the oars out of the raft, that kept me rowing as hard as I could AGAINST the flow of the river of life because I was told I had to to be a good person. After finally getting it that you can have fun flowing with the current which will make our life easier. After finally believing that 'you can have a joyous life and you don't have to continue struggling'.......the pressure has lifted. I'm getting to day 21 of the ass-kicking purification. Bring on the JOY!

THE BIPOLAR CHRONICLES

THE EFFECTS OF A BIPOLAR "DISORDER" can be devastating to every aspect of a person's life. When the insidious 'demon' even undermines your self-esteem and former ability to tackle the world and it's challenges, one may feel the only way to stop the pain is to cease to live. Suicide is a side effect of this monster taking over what used to be 'yourself'.

This demon has charged into my life and robbed from me what I loved the most about myself: my ability to not let life's curve balls have me not get back up, dust myself off, put the curve ball in it's place as being just that, and move forward with the new strength I acquired from either dodging the curve ball or catching it and throwing it back from whence it came. As a single mom, life consisted of constant curve balls of all sizes, shapes and colors. Now they get me down, overwhelm me and paralyze me from getting back up. To add further to this paralysis is the self hatred of having this paralysis occur and view it as a character flaw.

I received a medical diagnosis of BIPOLAR DISORDER SYNDROME----"GREAT, a DISORDER and a SYNDROME!!!" A glimpse of the 'former me' decided to deal with it but that was only a glimpse, the majority of the disordered me felt like just killing the host of the demon. This former me kept popping up enough to drag myself to the battleground and fight it.
FAST FORWARD TO NOW: I am someone who uses the internet to get my questions answered and ask those around me questions about myself regarding their observation of me. I reflected on what my eldest daughter has told me several times: "Mom, you haven't been the same after your car wreck." That car crash in 1997 awarded me a 'moderate closed head injury' besides taking out both my hands and an assortment of other soft tissue damage. They did the corrective surgeries on my hand which really didn't restore them to their previous beautiful, perfect and functioning condition, but that's another story....it's the head injury that kicked my ass because there was now a monster from WITHIN me that was impossible to work with because it effected my PERSONALITY, coping mechanisms, memory, and the beautiful ability I had to major multi task with impeccability.

I HAVE DISCOVERED ONLY RECENTLY through my own research that head trauma can bring about the monster BIPOLAR DISORDER SYNDROME and a host of other psychotic and mood disorders that the patient is left to think they are defective, flawed, unlovable rejects of society. They are given a host of medicines and these medicines sometimes work, most times do not and only repeated trips to the doctor and re-prescribed a new host of medicines. One is left feeling like a laboratory rat that is being experimented on with the "let's try this" or "let's try that". Then when one finds a medicine that works, it can all of a sudden not work and the cycle of doctor visits and new prescriptions start again, also to the tune of spending large amounts of money. These medicines are VERY EXPENSIVE.

We also get to hear less compassionate and close minded people judge us as 'being crazy' or other insulting remarks that further injure our already injured picture of our self. The stigma associated with this very real brain chemistry imbalance keeps many from seeking help, keeps others trying very hard to fit in to be accepted or not made fun of and act like 'normal' - which involves not expressing ourselves at all. It's like having to live a 'double life'. To have a chemical imbalance of the pancreas is widely accepted as diabetes and evokes people's compassion, to have a chemical imbalance in the brain-even as an effect of a physical injury to the brain is labeled with a host of degrading terms and we are treated as if we have chosen the side effects of it.

Learning that my particular condition was actually caused by a physical injury to my brain actually lifted my spirits yesterday. So I feel less flawed naturally and in fact this was IMPOSED on me. It does not relieve me of the symptoms of the condition. And now my new fear is that my former psychic gifts that I've had since being a child will be blamed on a side effect of this diagnosis. My new challenge to add to my list of existing challenges is to not allow fear of even further judgment and ridicule diminish this gift from being cultivated and shared. Instead I am going to utilize this entire situation to be a voice for all those suffering as I am suffering to stand up and OWN their challenges.

To keep the name DISORDER or SYNDROME keeps it in the realm of having a DEFECT. Are cancer patients considered DEFECTIVE??? There is no one that would CHOOSE to have this condition as much as there is no one that would CHOOSE to have diabetes or cancer. My life has changed in ways I could not have imagined after that woman crashed into my beloved 1952 Willys Wagon back on 21 September 1997. At the moment of the crash I was in such shock that my "Wilbur" sustained fatal injuries that I did not know I sustained injuries that were fatal to life as I knew it, were fatal to the me BEFORE the crash. My life continued, but the me that climbed into that jeep to go home from work that afternoon did in fact perish and never returned. I realize and state all the time how much worse others have life after their car crashes or medical diagnosis', but this comparison and gratitude does not get me through the times I am experiencing debilitating paralysis and the extreme psychological pain that takes over my entire life that I still cannot accept or work with despite my vigilance to do so. I am still alive though, and as long as I walk and breathe, the warrior within will work with the changed course of the river of strength I once knew myself to be.

THE BIGGEST LOSERS - About Weight Loss

WEIGHT LOSS: The Biggest Losers- Why are the obese people getting all the reality shows and press attention for losing weight? There's articles on those poor unfortunate obese children that get bullied in school...those poor obese adults that whine about being a target for snide remarks and ridicule WAH WAH WAH! And God forbid someone mention their being 'fat' and telling them it's because they eat too much or say "hey, it looks like you've put on a few pounds over the weekend..." we have to tip toe around them and and be politically correct because they are so sensitive about how big they've allowed themselves to get. (Please note that I am not including in this those poor unfortunate souls that are obese due to glandular malfunction or other reasons that is NOT in their control)

The reason I am just coming out with this seemingly harsh expression of HOW I REALLY FEEL, is because all my life I've been SMALL, or PETITE as would be a politically correct comment, and we are an equal target. I once worked at an office where a mostly obese woman (I say 'mostly' because she was of proportionate size for her height on the top half, and from her waist down she was ginormous) came up to me after the weekend and said "GEE, it looks like you've lost a couple of pounds over the weekend" - she said this with a tone of concern as if something was wrong. I happen to be sensitive about the fact that I am 110 pounds and cannot put weight on, no matter how much Hagen Daas I eat. However, I do eat ice cream in moderation....not day in and day out, pints at a time.

I have been bullied and ridiculed all through my school years, from 4th through 12th grade. I have been called names for my crooked teeth, my delayed bustline, my small stature - my mother's advice was to ignore them. Then the same bullies would say "oh, did your mommy tell you to ignore us today??" - it was a no-win situation. My mother would wonder "I just can't figure out why you don't seem to have very good self-esteem" - was she that bad at adding 2 + 2 ??? - it wouldn't have taken an Einstein to do the math on this equation!

There should be a TV show for petite people who manage to gain either weight or muscle mass. We've either got the obese or the bulimic, or anorexic--but we in the middle are called "SKINNY BITCHES" by those fat bitches. We are envied and get treated badly by a superior in the office that is a size 18. Instead of envying us, GO ON A DIET and QUIT FEEDING YOUR FACE SUGARED CHEMICAL SHIT IN A PACKAGE. I remember wanting to eat that crap, sure it's TASTY - if you develop a taste for junk food. Ever hear about MODERATION?????

It takes discipline to not join in the junk food party when all your friends are eating it (in the teenage years and early twenties) Sure, I wanted it, but SOMETHING TOLD ME it just wasn't good to eat it ALL THE TIME. I WANTED it, but JUST SAID NO. And guess what - I was made fun of for NOT eating it - for eating something healthy. Because I didn't want chemicals and dyes that were packaged to resemble FOOD, I was labeled "EATING DISORDERLY" - it was questioned whether I was a "PUKER" - NONE OF THE ABOVE FOLKS - ! I had never heard the term "puker" - my food goes only ONE WAY, thank you very much.

I like a TWINKIE every now and then just like the next guy - but not every day, or every week even - maybe once every few months while I grocery shop I pull a package off the shelf and munch while I shop (yes, I put the empty wrapper thru the checkstand and PAY for it!) Twinkies taste best while strolling through the market - mind you, this is NOT a ritual every time I shop, or even every 10th time I shop. MODERATION is key. I love junk as much as the next guy. But it's plain old common sense to not STUFF, but merely EAT. Depressed? Try NOT eating. Try drinking water. Try having a soft drink every ONCE IN A WHILE, not six a day! Bottom line: don't mindlessly stuff your face.

Natural foods and organic foods are not trendy--it's what our grandparents ate and was a way of life before they turned food into big business. Before everyone fell in love with PACKAGING and not eating to be nourished, giving THANKS for the food, reflecting that it came from MOTHER EARTH, not just mindless consumption.

The way we eat is a CHOICE. If people CHOOSE to use FOOD as a DRUG, then they are choosing to distort their body and those of their children by passing this display of bad choice on to those that are too young to choose for themselves. This is the epitome of BAD PARENTING. We would all frown at seeing a parent give their 10 year old a cigarette and lighting it for them. But every day we see, the enormously distorted fat parent walking with an extra large soft drink and junk food and their child eating the same way, sporting a mini version of their own distorted shape. Don't these people have eyes and a lick of SENSE??????? Yet, we all have to feel sorry for them. Their bad choices and continued denial of their own responsibility has the taxpayer forking out too much for their disability payments and related medical costs.

Let's talk about airplane seats. They complain that the smaller people seated on either side of them seem uncomfortable with their weight and size....well you DAMN right we are! You are invading MY SPACE with your obesity and making ME UNCOMFORTABLE on an already too-tight a squeeze in the economy section. You think because I am petite and YOU are FAT that you somehow have the right to take my armrest and make me keep my arms squeezed close to my body for YOUR comfort.

OK, there, I said it. I have voiced my freedom of speech and have, by this blog, put myself out of the running for U.S. President---because should I run for public office, I will be labeled as a very bad and prejudiced little person with a big attitude against those poor unfortunate people that won't stop eating. Well, I'll gladly forfeit my presidential run to have expressed how I REALLY feel. It's about time somebody stand up for those of standard proportion.

Venice - DAY 1

VENEZIA - City of Water, City of LOVE

My adventure to Venice was truly GRAND. I was mezmerized by my immersion into history. There is no place in the province that you are not IN history, no place to walk that has not been walked by those we read about from days of old. If you walk with a stillness at say, 4 a.m., before the throngs of tourists and the locals setting up shop, you can feel the ghosts of days gone by, the intrigue that was prevalent in those times. Courtesans meeting their lovers of high political position, the famous artists who were commissioned by kings, doges, the pope, who's works are today infamous, assassins who are commissioned by those who wish or need someone to be killed, the places of the murders, darkened alleyways, hidden doorways. It's all still there, and the entire place carries the vibes, the memories, the spirits of it all. In the wee hours of the morning, the magic of Venice is truly alive.

I walked these pathways at this bewitching hour my first morning in Venice, and felt myself to be in no danger personally. My sense of adventure, traveling solo, overtook any fears I might have entertained. I did not even bring along my beloved Canon, as I wanted to feel FULLY this energy that is alive before the morning sun gives a hint of illuminating the darkness and solitude that is only at this hour. The pigeons are absolutely everywhere and seem to 'own' the entire place before the sun rises.

I went to the Rialto crossing on the Grand Canal at this same bewitching time. The quiet of Venice's main waterway was soothing to the soul, with the sounds only of the seagulls, pigeons and water gently lapping against the bridge.

I only smoke cigarettes in Italy, it's the only place to buy the DIANA brand. On the Rialto bridge I took out my first one of the trip. Having no light I asked the only person I saw, a very old man. He embraced me immediately and with his thick Italian dialect, said only "No fume" and "Ciao bella - bootifool, bootifool." He took me to the restaurant just over the bridge that he unlocked, invited me in, gave me a light and made us morning cappuccinos. He kept hugging me and saying those same words over and over, he spoke no English, and my Italian was minimal. Like walking the streets alone in these wee hours feeling no danger, I felt no danger from this little old man. We sipped our delicious brew, and I was on my way, feeling properly welcomed to my adventure here in the City of Water, City of Love and Intrigue. It was clear to me, as in my sojourn to Buenos Aires four years before, that I was on an adventure to fall in love again - with ADVENTURER within mySELF!

Check back in for continuing tales of this Venetian Romance!

HEADING TO VENEZIA

HEADING TO VENICE-what a blessing! I was 'directed' to go to place the book in the hands of a certain person also at this location on the planet. I will not disclose to whom THE CHE DIARIES is destined, I can only say my direction came from the same source that instructed me to publish the book in the first place.

It has always been a dream of mine to bum around Venice with my camera for an extended period, so this will be realized. Anytime is a good time to realize ones dream(s). Of course, there will be many photos and videos of my adventure. I am not, however, taking my laptop and will not be spending precious time in an internet cafe; so, dear readers, don't look for any blog entries until after mid-April.

I have never traveled to Europe solo, and was a bit nervous at this reality until I've absorbed Rick Steve's travel tips for Venice. My apprehension was somewhat alleviated at learning the in's and out's of the routes of the water bus from the airport to my 'stop'. I will, of course, be traveling with my guide from the other dimension, so really, I should experience a GRAND time on the Grand Canal!

MultiDimensional Marriage

Just the title of this blog may sound too out there for anyone to read further. Or, it may ring a bell with something you've been experiencing without knowing there is an actual validity to your experience, hence you think you're crazy.

GOOD NEWS: YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! I went through an experience involving a being on another dimension, and I went through it alone, roller coasting between thinking I was crazy or alone too long and enjoying privately without being able to share with anyone the ecstasy I was experiencing from this multi dimensional communication. To make it even more difficult, the being in my life was an infamous historical person who was very controversial on a global scale, and someone who I'd never heard of before he came to me. Although my book has been well received by the small global audience that has read it (I know this from their feedback to me), there are people who just think I'm plain crazy. Well, I've lived a life outside the box anyway, so people's judgments and/or opinions of me are in no way who I am. And I've lived by WC Field's quote: "what other people think about me is none of my business." ....or was that Winston Churchill? oops, I forgot.

I invite anyone to comment that may be experiencing something that could be termed multi-dimensional. It could be from a lost loved one who is communicating with you and when you share this, people tell you it's only because you are grieving that you imagine they are communicating with you. Please know that departed loved ones have no way of communicating except through dreams, thoughts and various electrical systems.

My friend who's wife died always seems to create blinks in the lighting system of the home she lived in w/her husband. Also, when his housekeeper comes in and waters the orchids this lady used to love, the phone would ring one time in that room, consistently, every time she went in to water them. These are just two examples of how electrical systems are utilized in communication.

This happens in my home, only in the bedroom with the overhead light. It sometimes just comes on, and there is no short in the wiring. It never did this before my multi dimensional partner integrated into my life.
I researched everything online to try to gain an understanding of what I was experiencing, for my multi dimensional relationship was not borne from someone I've loved in this life that passed on. I found nothing at all that synched with my experience. It's been 3.5 years now, and our energies are settled in together where I no longer have the upheavals of it's onset. It does present issues though, like my taste in music has changed and I almost can't listen to what I used to like, and am always compelled to play Latin music, mostly tangos.

As you read my blogs, should you want to reach out and share your experience, I would welcome it, and NEVER judge you, but will provide you comfort. After all, you are experiencing something that people would ridicule out of their lack of understanding, and society is hooked on the diseased mindset of a concept called "NORMAL" -- which, by the way, does not exist.

LIFE, GRIEF & The Pursuit of Happiness

We all strive for balance. Sounds simple - ISN'T. After all, what IS balance? We each have our own interpretation of what a balanced life is, and maybe our interpretations aren't actually accurate, but recitations of what we think it SHOULD be based on what we read or have seen on TV.
Same goes for HAPPINESS - what is it exactly? A good mood? A feeling of contentment based on life conditions, environment, the way people treat us, how much financial security we think we have? How happy are you AFTER your vacation?

Does living a balanced, happy life mean we can count our blessings despite challenges, and be returned to a state of joyous-all-is-well state of mind after a brief upset from some event?

Personally, I have always counted my blessings, and basically it was because I wanted to teach it to my daughters when raising them. As a single mom, there were emotional & financial challenges constantly, and to be a positive influence, I had to live what I wanted to teach. Example by living is more powerful and influential than mere words to a child. Children don't learn by hearing, they learn by observing. Sounds easy - ISN'T if you're trying to be consistent.

The girls are grown w/families of their own. Ironically, I am having issues in living my life as I have lived and taught my daughters when I was younger. I find myself in more bad moods and of bitter mind than I want for myself. I do count my blessings, I have a gratitude journal that I write at least 5 things I am grateful for each morning before I start my day. (Honestly, I don't do this every SINGLE day, but my days go better when I DO write in this journal)

This always worked in setting my day to start out in a feeling of gratitude for life's blessings, (even if one particular morning the only thing I can think of in the moment to be grateful for is the aroma of my morning coffee) inviting more blessings into my life. Now I write it with the taste of a bitter pill in my psyche. There is an issue in my life OUTSIDE myself that is effecting my lightness of spirit currently. It's a big heart-issue and it's kicking my ass despite daily applications of spiritual teachings. The goal of truth seeking and spiritual teachings of all kinds is to hold onto one's natural state of joyous mind despite life's exterior events that challenge this. Well, easier said than done. I have been practicing this for years, and something is missing to be making this work with this particular issue.

This whole process, is called WHERE I'M AT RIGHT NOW. I must accept this, embrace my state of mind and my grief process, however bitter, experience it, and then it will dissolve of its own accord with all the above applied to it. Conscious Observer. To be a conscious observer of our reactions to life's ass kickers of all sorts, will alleviate us being reactors. WATCH the bad mood come over you, WATCH what your mind does with a negative (or positive) outside influence. How long will the mind dwell on this that makes the observer upset? Observing it removes some of the 'taking it personal' nature of any event, however personal it seems at the time. I'm working this one hard & fast, and my ass is STILL getting kicked. It must be a very significant passage of personal growth that this issue is presenting. I intend to keep working with it and not give in to the sadness, helplessness and myriad other emotions that are evoked with this issue.

I've been trekking life on the spiritual path as long as I can remember. Affiliated with no church or organization saying their way is the only way, intuition, nature and books are my teachers. Silence is one of the best teachers, no TV or musical distractions. The sound of the forest (nature) is the music I listen to all the time. It assists the human spirit to feel like it's a part of nature, not separate from it, and it's the sense of separation that is the essence of any suffering we endure. Separation from the power we have to create change in our lives, power to help ourselves put life's issues into perspective, separation from the power we have been given to choose to go plant a flower rather than dwell in a bitter mindset.

There is a lady that I've met through a network that has inspired me to steer this blog into being geared to address life issues and create a place for those in difficult states of mind with the grief process to communicate. She and I have communicated and it is for her that I begin this new direction in my blog. Thank you "L" - you are a fragrant rose in the garden of life, and despite the overgrowth of weeds, your beauty stands out. She told me she would like to learn from me about a certain subject we came together over. She inspired me, and lifted my flagging spirit this sunny day, and now I write this blog straight from my heart in this moment.

Island of Lost Children - The Atlantic (January 18, 2010)

Island of Lost Children - The Atlantic (January 18, 2010)

SCOTT BROWN - Another JOKE

HIS SPEECH WAS AN EMBARRASSMENT!

I mean really people, for a grown man elected to such an important office in our country to embarrass his daughters by announcing their availability and holding up their arms to flaunt them in this regard was downright DISGUSTING!!!

He inserted his feet, both of them, a second time when trying to weasel his way out of his gaffe by embarrassing them further. And how insignificant the little one next to him must have felt not even warranting an introduction at all, all focus was on THE AVAILABLE ONES.

GET WITH THE PROGRAM DUDE - you were on a podium before the American public, respectfully accepting your new position and to thank them for their votes, you were NOT on a slave block trying to flaunt the status of your daughters being AVAILABLE.

What a PIG way to begin your new position. How dare you insult your family, the public and your position. This was more than just a gaffe, it's an outrage. SHAME ON YOU!!!

Planet's Kicking

My poodle just scampered under my desk to the safety of being near my feet as a wind gust just kicked up sounding like the roar of an ocean with 50' waves.

At 5 this morning, I woke up with the usual seismic-sensitive headache to hear the sound of a big tree falling on my property. As it turns out, Haiti was experiencing the terror of the newest 6.1 quake/aftershock at the same time. After the pressure of the plates expelled, my headache diminished.

I'm wondering how many people have seismic sensitive headaches. I figured this out over time, when my headaches always occurred before an earthquake. Now, one will counter, there are earthquakes happening all the time. Seismic sensitive headaches have a different feel than migraines or tension headaches. First of all, nothing alleviates them, and they are accompanied by a different 'feeling' than other headaches. Also, these headaches are always confirmed by an immediate earthquake.

For example, the week of the Haiti quake there were previously the New Zealand quake which was followed by two tsunamis, and the quake in Eureka area of northern California and the quake in Banning California. All these quakes occurred in a short period of time. That time, I had a headache with the quake feel for about 10 days. It wasn't always intense, but spiked at intervals of intensity during the period of time of this seismic unrest.

How many out there think they experience this? I would be interested in your comments and instigating dialog so we may explore this deeper, perhaps write more about it to assist others to decide if their headaches are seismic activated.

I have never heard of this and figured it out myself over time with investigation and correlation of my headaches withseismic events. This is an avenue of interest and importance if through my experience and dialog with others something can be learned. To any readers out there, thanks for reading, please comment as you wish, and DO write me if you think you have seismic related headaches!

Bumpersticker Reality

Ever wonder at a stop light reading the car in front of you how you actually can 'SAVE TIBET'??? Every time I read one of those bumper stickers I'm stopped at a light behind the car sporting this demand. I mean really, I'm sitting at a light while running my errands, how am I supposed to 'save Tibet' ???

My grandchildren are the cutest, most wonderful of them all, and I don't sport a bumper sticker stating this fact. How can anyone's grandchildren be cuter than mine, they can't, but I won't make another grandparent who feels theirs are feel inferior, I mean, they never even met mine, how would they know?

I personally don't participate in labeling my vehicle with anything I think. Only once did I sport a bumper sticker, right after the love of my life sent me packing with a broken heart, and it said:

I USED TO MISS MY EX - BUT MY AIM IS IMPROVING I still get a chuckle when I think of that one. And, my aim has truly improved! I don't miss him anymore!! And don't forget to SAVE TIBET the next time YOU are at a traffic signal. BFN

PEACEKEEPING IN HAITI

With the tragedy in Haiti comes hints of another MISSION for U.S. military of "PEACEKEEPING" in country racked by poverty and governmental discord. Our military will be used to find U.N. Peacekeeper personnel, their families and patrol the airports and streets to KEEP THE PEACE in the wake of the disaster, according to former President Bill Clinton. With the head of the U.N. Peacekeeping Mission that "has made enormous progress" in this regard, our military "must be used to ensure" the mission continues in the wake of this disaster and is not compromised in this situation which took place right before elections.

At the risk of sounding like an uninformed American (which ALL AMERICANS ARE UNINFORMED!!!) I would have to offer here my opinion, which is: If our president wanted to be a true hero and act outside the box, why doesn't he deploy some troops from the ongoing senseless war to HELP THE PEOPLE of Haiti, instead of bringing in troops to KEEP THE PEACE??? I was disgusted to hear of our troops being used to KEEP PEACE. Our presence in any country doesn't usually keep peace, but serves to antagonize.

If I sound like an uninformed American, it's because I AM, WE ALL ARE, which is a tragedy in and of itself. If we were an informed populace, instead of fed what they want us to hear, we could be more effective in all aspects of life as citizens of this powerful country and be loved rather than hated.

I will continue to write on this subject as I become "MORE INFORMED" - which means going outside mainstream media for what's REALLY HAPPENING.