Monday, October 17, 2011

Moon-day Reflections


Today I learned of the murder of a friend, mentor and lovely individual. It was shocking, as although I haven't seen him in awhile, I had been talking about what he taught me to a new friend all during this week. I had reconnected with his essence during this process, and just now learned he died last March. (talk about being the last to know!)

Huge shifts are beckoning and even downright imposing upon me. I sense the pressure of it's coming, feel it's hot breath that threatens to scare the shit out of me. The great unknown can be exciting or scary, depending what the unknown is about. I'm facing a couple of huge ones this week. Both will change my life drastically and call for me to buck up, 'toughen up' (as another friend now gone would say) and stay clear.

Today I feel broken. I'm tired of my heart having been broken 6 years ago and having had the pieces be stepped on since as I work to mend them. I'm not having much success.
My fabulous UMPH that I've always had in my younger day, the very thing that attracted my last love to me all those years ago, seems to have abandoned me no matter what I do or how I breath and work with various energies to just resonate with it for long enough to join "life" again.

We all feel this from time to time, but for me, today is a day of lamenting....loss. It is, after all, one of those illusory tools we've been given on this side of the veil, among many, to soften and grow. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA ~ Hare Krshna ~ Hare Rama

Saturday, October 8, 2011

THIS MADE ME CRY

Just look at the smile on that dad's face. He's holding one of his two very young sons. A man that had a spirit of light, one can tell just by this article's information and quotes on what this man's foundation was about. Now he's dead. The tragedy comes to his boys who have lost the most rare thing on this planet: a parent that truly cares about his child. A father that was teaching by living it, good solid values and optimism of spirit in the face of societal darkness. Truly, this article has made me cry.

When I think about how both my daughters' children adore their fathers, to think of having them taken from them makes this story ever the more poignant for me. My daughters never got to know their fathers, because both of them thought their own lives were more important, and both abandoned their daughters when they were babies, one even before she was born. That is why stories like this I must share.

Four days before he died, Dan Wheldon sat next to me on a couch reflecting on a year in which he started out unemployed, won the Indianapolis 500, then went back to the unemployment line to look for a job. I expected a bittersweet tone. Instead I got classic Dan Wheldon, ever the grounded optimist.

Dan Wheldon celebrates with his two-year-old son, Sebastian Daniel Wheldon, after winning the Indianapolis 500 on May 29, 2011.
(AP)
Wheldon’s career
Dan Wheldon won the Indianapolis 500 in 2005 and 2011.
Year Starts Wins Poles Top 5 Top 10
2011 2 1 0 1 1
2010 17 0 0 4 10
2009 17 0 0 3 9
2008 17 2 0 10 12
2007 17 2 1 6 11
2006 14 2 2 9 12
2005 17 6 0 12 15
2004 16 3 2 12 13
2003 14 0 0 5 9
2002 2 0 0 0 1
Total: 133 16 5 62 93
Source: Indycar.com

“It’s been incredibly enjoyable,” he said with complete sincerity. “My wife gave birth to our second son, Oliver, and I was able to enjoy spending time with them because I didn’t have a ride.”

Wheldon died Sunday in a violent 15-car wreck at the IndyCar season finale at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. The native of Great Britain was 33 years old. He’ll be remembered as much for his engaging personality off the track as his dominating skills on it.

Wheldon was airlifted to a local hospital and IndyCar officials halted the race for more than two hours. When word spread that Wheldon had died, drivers decided not to race, returning to their cars only for a five-lap tribute.

“There are no words for today,” Danica Patrick said via Twitter. “Myself and so many others are devastated.”

Perhaps nothing explained Wheldon better than his ability to find peace and perspective in the midst of such an inexplicable season. Here was an out-of-work driver who couldn’t land a decent job in a series in which he was a champion, in which he’d won the sport’s signature event, the Indianapolis 500. It doesn’t sound fair because it’s not, but that’s how it works sometimes in auto racing, where sponsor dollars trump talent.

Wheldon got a ride in the Indy 500 only because friend and team owner Bryan Herta was able to put together a competitive deal. Still, no one gave Wheldon a shot to win it until he actually did. The next day, he was unemployed again.

But not bitter.

He used the time off as an opportunity to promote the sport that wouldn’t give him a full-time job. When he won the Indy 500 back in 2005, he hit up David Letterman, did a few other promotional events, then went back to racing the next weekend. After this year’s win, with no job, he made appearance after appearance after appearance. He worked television broadcasts of IndyCar events, became an ambassador for Indianapolis Motor Speedway and served as the official test driver for the new race car the series will unveil next season.

He was happy, content, smiling like he was in love.

“It’s been a crazy year,” he said, “but really, really enjoyable.”

The tragic irony is Wheldon was only racing Sunday because of a promotion. Earlier this year as a way to bring attention to the fledgling series, CEO Randy Bernard put up a $5 million award to any non-series regular who could win the finale. As a non-regular, Wheldon was eligible.

One condition was that he start at the back of the 34-car field, a huge deficit to overcome, but one Wheldon said could be done in the 200-lap race. Just 12 laps in, two cars touched in front of him, setting off a horrific chain reaction of events that Patrick described as straight out of a movie.

Wheldon, having moved up some 10 spots already, couldn’t slow in time. His car launched over the back of one in front of him, turned in midair and slammed into the catch fence. Rescue workers were quick to the scene, but neither they nor doctors at a local hospital could save him.

“IndyCar is sad to announce that Dan Wheldon passed away from unsurvivable injuries,” Bernard announced at a press conference. “Our thoughts and prayers are with Dan and his family.”

Wheldon came from Emberton, a small village in southern England where he was tearing up go-kart tracks at age four. In 1999, at age 21, he came to the United States and eventually wound up in IndyCar. With powerhouse Andretti Green Racing, he won nine races as well as the 2005 IndyCar championship. That same year, Wheldon won the Indianapolis 500, handing team owner Michael Andretti the Brickyard win he never got as a driver.

Most recently Wheldon drove for Panther Racing. At the end of the 2010 season, Panther signed rookie J.R. Hildebrand to replace him, leaving Wheldon without a job.

Refusing to take a mediocre ride that could threaten the integrity of his career, Wheldon opted to sit out the season. Desperate to enter this year’s Indianapolis 500, Wheldon called Bryan Herta for advice on finding a good ride for the 500. Herta responded, “Would you consider driving for me?”

Wheldon never led the race until he came around the final turn of the final lap. But when the leader wrecked on the final turn, Wheldon took the lead and the win – his second at the Brickyard. The driver he passed for the victory? Hildebrand.

The car of Indy Car series driver Dan Wheldon (second car from left) catches fire as Wheldon and Will Power (12) crash into the wall at Las Vegas.
(US Presswire)

Last Wednesday, Wheldon told me he was close to signing a full-time deal for 2012.

“I don’t need to drive for financial gain,” he said. “I could retire and be OK. There are a lot of people in way worse situations than me right now.”

Sunday morning, Wheldon reportedly had agreed to terms to return to the Andretti stable where he would replace the departing Patrick.

Hours later he was gone, leaving a legacy of racing and life behind.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

POURING RAIN, Emptiness Within


The rain is pouring down upon the thirsty earth. Pouring down upon my yurt-bedroom and it will be hard to sleep, as it is so loud.

I am full of emotion tonight. Emoting does promote a softening as when one feels like one is 'coming apart at the seams'. It's not a bad thing, just a part of the life process, the expansion of the soul. The softening of those edges that cut into us.

I do tonight feel utterly alone. This is logically assimilated in my mind that I am merely experiencing a perception only of separation from That Which Created All. This logical feedback does not comfort. But I am not seeking comfort right now. I am simply feeling my state of aloneness fully. Crying does cleanse and release. A primal scream sort of noise really was necessary in order for me not to explode with the pending softening that simply had no choice but to follow. It's those rare times when one needs to scream that it's really convenient to be surrounded by the forest. It's simply the order of things. Sometimes it's hard to look at life as a gift, even when the blessings are cute little brand new ginger babies that inspire awe, and the big brother who is yet a little boy who woke me in the mornings so we could brush our teeth together.

Where is my life? I am in a sacred space. The journey sometimes really is an ass kicker.