Today I learned of the murder of a friend, mentor and lovely individual. It was shocking, as although I haven't seen him in awhile, I had been talking about what he taught me to a new friend all during this week. I had reconnected with his essence during this process, and just now learned he died last March. (talk about being the last to know!)
Huge shifts are beckoning and even downright imposing upon me. I sense the pressure of it's coming, feel it's hot breath that threatens to scare the shit out of me. The great unknown can be exciting or scary, depending what the unknown is about. I'm facing a couple of huge ones this week. Both will change my life drastically and call for me to buck up, 'toughen up' (as another friend now gone would say) and stay clear.
Today I feel broken. I'm tired of my heart having been broken 6 years ago and having had the pieces be stepped on since as I work to mend them. I'm not having much success.
My fabulous UMPH that I've always had in my younger day, the very thing that attracted my last love to me all those years ago, seems to have abandoned me no matter what I do or how I breath and work with various energies to just resonate with it for long enough to join "life" again.
We all feel this from time to time, but for me, today is a day of lamenting....loss. It is, after all, one of those illusory tools we've been given on this side of the veil, among many, to soften and grow. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA ~ Hare Krshna ~ Hare Rama
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